I rarely believe a love song. I'm not talking about all of them--in fact, there are lots of great love songs. Sadly, they are far outnumbered by the faulty ones. Many of them are not only turnoffs, but in principle they are fatally flawed. I'll tell you some of the reasons why.

Just because it rhymes with "glove," "above," or "push comes to shove" doesn't make it love. I'm convinced lots of lyrics are rushed at the last minute. We're stuck with mediocre ideas that could have been refined with a little more effort.

We've heard a refrain so many times that it takes on a life of its own. We sing-along every trite phrase as if the author was an inspired genius. Some of the lamest lines come out of forced rhymes. Don't get me started...!

By the way, don't take today's newsletter too seriously. If I seem to be venting, it isn't about YOUR favorite love song. You can be certain THAT isn't the song I'm talking about. In fact, I won't name any titles or point fingers, so that even though it IS your friend's smarmy favorite that I find lame, they will think it's some one else's song I'm trashing. We'll all stay friends and no one will have to take it personally.

Contrary to what songwriters would have us believe, the true test of romantic love is not the intensity of desperation between two people. Love is proven in its ability to grow in a lasting, evolving relationship.

Fantasy is a world apart from reality. A person who makes an object of his love could just as well attach his affection to a fire hydrant.

Love isn't crazy, wild or manic. Those words more aptly describe lust and infatuation. Love can be emotionally exhilarating, and even unreasonable. But it has to eventually come off of its pedestal. It's possible to love in ways that are rational and sane. Real nurturing is best achieved through thoughtful caring for another's welfare.

Love is not a one-time alignment of the universe that never before or ever will happen to two other people. In fact, billions of people find ways to express love in plain and ordinary ways every day.

Everyday life has its ups and downs. But extreme emotional roller coasters are a sign of imbalance, not a measure of love quotient.

Co-dependence isn't romantic. It's a distorted counterfeit of a wholesome closeness. The "I'll die without your love" attachment obsession is a reflection of emotional deficit. A person with intact self-esteem will not perish over heartbreak.

Sex is not love. Taken out of the context of the marriage covenant, sex is a theft of virtue. Even within marriage, intimate relations are sacred and hardly appropriate themes for song lyrics.

Emotions that can turn hostile never were love. Love never attacks, belittles or uses force. Abuse disguised as love is a dangerous deception.

When I was attending singles dances, I didn't feel right dancing to certain songs. Promiscuous songs were out. But on the other end of the spectrum, songs that pledged eternal devotion sent a wrong message in the context of "Hi, I'm glad to meet you. Would you like to dance?" The setting of music is just as important as the message.

Many songs that promise dedication come from serial monogamists, who cast off one "only one" after another. Devotion is a good idea. It's the loose interpretation of "sticking around until things change" that is bad execution.

A soul mate is a romantic idea of two people who are perfect for each other. Do you see the flaw in that logic? No two people ever match up like companion puzzle pieces. Perfection is a great ideal, but not a very good expectation. Much of the charity of love comes in accepting our differences and loving another any way.

Virtually every love song is well intended. The emotions and fulfillment of loving relationships always will be worthy material for sensitive melodies. A lot of the all-time best songs are about love. It is certainly worthwhile to have a collection of the music that you find most uplifting. "All you need is love."

Go to Learning Love and Life Home Page

Join Love Newsletter!