Part 1
LearningLove.com
Copyright (c) 1999 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved.

A friend of mine mentioned that when he and his wife were dating they would do little unexpected things for each other. He would wash and detail her car when she was busy doing something. She would sneak in and clean his bachelor apartment when he was out. Who do you think was taking on the larger task?

In early romance, doing little things for each other comes naturally . There are millions of ways to say "I love you." You'll never run out of ways to show it.

After marriage, expressions of affection should continue. Couples need to go on courting each other, rather than take their love for granted. Daily and weekly we should find little ways to express our gratitude for each other.

Ways To Say "I Love You"

Keep it simple. Coming up with elaborate plans to say "I love you" may take the focus away from the message. As grand as it sounds to have a hot air balloon descend from the sky, spilling out the words in sparkling confetti over both of your heads, it's more effective to simply say the words and mean them.

Say it often. Expressing love can mean different things to different people. When a woman says, "I love you," she is saying, "I deeply care for you and am glad to be a part of your life." A man's expression probably means, "I feel intensely romantic and want to be with you forever." Understanding this difference helps women to understand why men might not express their love as often, thinking it might diminish his meaning. A man, on the other hand, needs to understand a woman's emotional need to be reassured of his love frequently.

Understand your partner's needs and use expressions that have meaning for him or her. As much as you enjoy League Night, your wife might not be very thrilled to receive a monogrammed bowling ball. Think instead of something your loved one would appreciate as a caring gesture.

Humor is nice, but nice humor is better. Thinking of something witty should not turn cruel to be funny. I made a birthday card for my wife-to-be saying, (cover) "Who'd ever guess that such a darling, wonderful, serious, charming little sweetheart would turn out to be ..." (inside) "... such a darling, wonderful, serious, charming little sweetheart!"

It's How You Say It

My wife surprised me on our second date with a thoughtfully decorated, pocket-size bag of caramels to say thank you for helping her move. The next week, my Sunday school teacher gave everyone an origami bird, saying it was a tradition in Japan to say you're thinking of someone special. I gave it to Robin as an expression that I was thinking of her. She kept it on her dresser, along with many little cards and remembrances. After many years, we have several boxes of tiny reminders: a twig where termites had carved hieroglyphic engravings in the surface, reminding us of the time we sat in the canyon, talking about her life's struggles; a hand made, single edition book titled, "Love, Life, Beauty, Truth and Inspiration," Victorian hand made cards; pictures in miniature frames and many notes and letters.

Photos make great memories. Pictures are great reminders of times and places spent together. Having a stranger hold the camera gives a good reason to hold onto each other.

Romantic dinners don't have to be expensive. My wife is a romantic genius. She hosts a dinner with style, creating a candlelit mood with a parchment or beautifully wrapped gift. Her attention to every detail shows careful thought.

Guys, you'll have a higher learning curve than the women. Women have more natural strength in showing love than men do. Ladies, recognize these differences and train your man in ways he can show thoughtfulness. Appreciate the little things and understand that he is trying.

Whatever you do to show your affection, remember that little things can nurture your love for each other. Acts of thoughtfulness are the colors and textures of your relationship over time. The kindness you show from day to day can create an enduring masterpiece. Enrichment should be an ongoing effort in every marriage.

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