In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic

principles of recruit training:

A young NCO is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.

"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young NCO, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.

"Now," says the General, "I just need one copy..."

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed "Bring me my Red Shirt!"

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and while wearing the bright frock, the captain led his mates into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the lookout again spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red shirt and once again vanquished the pirates.

That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs, and one of the them asked the captain: "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show the wound, and thus, you men will continue to resist, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout once again spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching! The rank and file all stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo shouted: "Get me my brown pants!"

After his return from an American nuclear bomber base, a friend of mine told me there had been an operational evaluation - how well personnel cope with emergency situations - during his stay.

A senior officer with the evaluation team approached an airman with an automatic rifle who was guarding an armed bomber. As a test, he told the airman he had to board the aircraft to complete the evaluation. He was denied access. What would the airman do if he boarded anyway, the officer asked.

The airman said he'd have to call his senior officer.

Sensing he'd uncovered a serious breach of security, the officer asked," Why would you call your senior officer while an attempted sabotage could be in progress?"

"Sir," the airman replied," I'd need to know what to do with your body."

...........