Yo mama's so UGLY...

your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye. 
she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning. 
when she tried joining an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!" 
Rice Krispies won't talk to her. 
she makes blind kids cry. 
she makes onions cry. 
I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style. 
when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back. 
the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train. 
the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down. 
when she looks in the mirror, her pimples popped back in. 
when she gets up, the sun goes down. 
the government moved Halloween to her birthday. 
on Halloween, people go as her. 
she has to "Trick or Treat" over the phone. 
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck. 
when she walked into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck. 
when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. 
when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it."

when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end. 
they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies. 
when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back." 
they put her in the zoo to keep the monkeys from jerking off. 
they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower. 
the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her. 
she's got little circles all over her body from people touching her with 10-foot poles. 
her mom had to be drunk to breastfeed her. 
her mom had to tie a steak around her neck so the dogs would play with her. 
her mom had to feed her with a slingshot. 
her picture is on the inside of a Roach Motel. 
her American Express card left home without her. 
they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty. 
when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes. 
when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows. 
her parents first named her "Accident". 
they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock! 
she must've been born on the freeway -- that's where most accidents happen. 
when I see her, she reminds me of Taco Bell -- Run for the Border! 
she took your dog to the Canine Show and won ... your dog came in second. 
I saved her life by killing a shit-eating dog on the way over. 
condom advocates wanted to use her as a poster child. 
she makes me wish birth control is retroactive.