Mr. L. L. Bean
P. O. Box 17718
Freeport, ME 12456

Dear Mr. Bean:

My wife and I are huge fans of your catalogue.  Not only do we enjoy the vast selection of colors and styles, we think many of your models have beautiful hair.  Is that a big part of the LL Bean philosophy?  Hair?  The one model that looks like the lady from Fletch (with Chevy Chase), we especially like how curly she has it.  What’s her name, anyway?  Loraine says it’s something bohemian, but changed to be more American.  Like Mushnik.

The other thing is we were watching Jeopardy (with Alex Trebek) and we heard something about how LL Cool J means “ladies love cool James” and wondered if maybe your name means “ladies love cool beans” or if maybe you are a rapper or if maybe your brother is named James.  What is your brother’s name?  If your family got all piled up would they make a hill?  Do you own a pole?

The only other thing is we really love your funny acts.  You’re great on Black Adder.  Loraine and I, we tape them all.  Some of the jokes we don’t understand.  We don’t quite understand British.  One thing we know is that after Black Adder you had some kind of larynx surgery, right?

Mr. Bean is a hilarious television program.  We were introduced to it by our neighbors, the Bellistons.  Mark and Diane have two Irish setters who used to always use Loraine’s zinnias for a toilet.  The movie was even better.  I do a good you impersonation.  I do it best in the mirror when I’m shaving, and it also makes it easier to get the hard-to-reach area above my lip.  My you impersonation is easy since you can no longer talk.
 

Love,
 
 

Murray and Loraine Waldron
616 Van Gelder Street
Englewood Cliffs, NJ 01402
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

(Jensen Oler)