Gargamel
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of
little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does
he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might
even be anorexic, she is always giving her burger to her friend. One side
question, what the hell are Popeye and Brutus thinking? What is it, her
personality? NOT!
Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the
look, but he is suspicious.
He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid
monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Makes me want to root for
Skeletor. Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even
injects the shit in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?
Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go
back to the cave and trip. Another side? -- Are they gay? I mean, take a look at
BooBoo. Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Droopy
The number one
downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two.
The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe. Sort
of makes you wonder.
Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny
involvement but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is
writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are afloat.
Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he
bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some
symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol wouldn't work for him.
Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair, his bad goatee, the boy
converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchie
Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats consumed per episode smokes pot, no
if, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way him and his friends painted
that van! Pretty rad design dude.