Element: woman

Symbol: Wo Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.

Occurrence: surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1) surface usually covered in painted film

2) boils at nothing, freezes without reason

3) melts if given proper treatment

4) bitter if used incorrectly

5) found in various states, ranging from virgin metal, to common 'ore

Chemical Properties:

1) possess great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones

2) able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances

3) may explode spontaneously if left alone with a male

4) insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol

5) yields to pressure applied to correct points

Uses:

1) highly ornamental, especially in sports cars

2) most powerful money-reducing agent known

3) can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests:

1) pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state

2) turns green if placed beside a better specimen

Caution:

1) highly dangerous except in experienced hands

2) illegal to posses more than one except in certain areas (Utah, etc.)

1999 Nick Boice