1) You believe the staff room should have a Valium salt lick.

2) You find humor is other people's stupidity.

3) You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."

4) You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

5) You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.

6) You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids are sure mellow today."

7) When out in public, you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

8) Marking all A's on the report card would make your life SO much simpler.

9) When you mention "vegetables" and you're not talking about a food group.

10) You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

11) You wonder how some parents even managed to reproduce.

12) You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

13) You really encourage an obnoxious parent to check into home schooling.

14) You've never had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

15) You can't have children of your own, because there is no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.

16) Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

1999 Nick Boice