Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast?
They're hiring.
What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?
Men miss them all.
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future, either.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying, "Yo"
What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the Cuban national anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
How can you tell if your wife is dead?
The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
What do the gynecologist and the Pizza delivery man have in common?
They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it.
How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
The cake jumps out of the girl.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
How is pubic hair like parsley?
You push it to the side before you start eating.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing?
The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out.
What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?
Michael Jackson's hand.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house.
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry her!
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can clean her crack and sell it again!
How can you tell if you had a really great blowjob?
You have to pull the sheet out of your ass.
What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed?
A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied.
A redhead let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.