Things I learned from the movie Starship Troopers.<title> <center>Things I learned from the movie <i>Starship Troopers</i>.</center><p> In a war to save the human race only Americans are allowed to fight. <p> All Army forces equip reporter teams with full armor, then fail to notify them of an impending attack, and they’re too stupid to retreat with the ground forces.<p> Whenever you have crashed underground on a planet infested by 12-foot tall bugs, it is always important to remember your standard-issue combat knife whenever you eventually try to make your escape.<p> In the future the Earth will manufacture 400-meter long ships which have no weapons or armor and they will fly in tight formations over hostile planets so that when one gets shot, they will careen into each other like dominos.<p> Although the Bugs are surrounded by an asteroid belt with millions of asteroids, they will send only one at a time to try to destroy Earth.<p> Asteroids have the potential to wipe out all life on Earth with one blow. The bugs opt to use asteroids just large enough to wipe out a large city.<p> Fortunately for the Civilians, Earth forces will build giant orbital platforms with one gun and 500 docking collars.<p> Unfortunately for the civilians, Earth ships and platforms are blind and cannot see 2-mile diameter asteroids hurtling towards the Earth.<p> Being a civilian is the equivalent to working at McDonalds.<p> In the future, Earth will abandon its built up industrial areas like New York and L.A. and instead build up entirely new ones in South American Countries like Buenos Aries.<p> Doogie Howser, M.D. will eventually become a psychic in the military and win the war against the bugs for us.<p> Machine guns that eject .50-caliber shells at about 500 rounds per minute only need a clip 2 inches tall and 3 inches long. However, this one clip will be enough to last an entire war.<p> Earth will abandon any sort of vehicle in the future, instead opting for lightly armored mobile infantry that will easily get slaughtered by the hundreds.<p> Even though small atomic rocket launchers have been developed, infantry only use them to fire into holes in the ground.<p> All infantry are equipped with hand grenades that make an explosion big enough to splatter a 30-foot tall giant bug. This would be extremely affective against the 12-foot tall bugs as they mass together, however, they choose only to use automatic weapons.<p> Though presented with evidence that there is a giant flying bug above them, lieutenants always send their valuable radio operators to higher ground.<p> Instead of dropping troops on a flat plain next to the base they are supposed to reinforce, pilots drop them miles away and force them to hike through the bottom of a canyon.<p> Whenever bugs burrow into a base and kill the occupants, they always space the dead bodies evenly apart so each can be seen on camera. <p> Troops eating dinner are oblivious to the noises that a 12-foot tall burrowing bug must make.<p> Earth fort designers are obviously very stupid; when designing a fort, they always put the supports for the walls on the outside, allowing easy access. However, the beams have no effect as they can be removed without incident.<p> Earth fort designers are incredibly stupid. When designing forts that are obviously made to be deployed on any planet, they include 20-foot tall gun towers with no roof, so troops manning the tower will be vulnerable to air attacks, heat, acid rain, etc.<p> Although air attacks are devastatingly effective against bugs, the military instead maintains a ratio of 1 air attack to every 10 ground assaults.<p> The military has only one squad of fighters. Hence the ration above. <p> The flying bugs, the most effective against marines, number even fewer than the military fighters.<p> Though one bug can take on about 3-6 troopers, commanders prefer to split up their large overwhelming force into squad sized units.<p> The military replaces all lost limbs with mechanical ones.<p> You become squad leader by winning a game of capture the flag.<p> Men die after being impaled once. Women can live after being impaled five times, if only to say "Because I got to have you."<p> Although the bugs once already attacked a base by going in through the back, the second time they opt for a full-scale ground attack using the dead as a ladder.<p> "Mobile Infantry and Fleet don’t mix," except when being transported by the other, usually by Fleet.<p> "Mobile Infantry and Fleet don’t mix," except when the entire fleet of fighters bomb an area and have the infantry mob up.<p> "Mobile Infantry and Fleet don’t mix," unless it’s a squad leader and a Fleet Captain. <p> Even though instructed to shot at the nerve steam of a bug, marines tend to shot in completely random places, losing two or three men in the process.<p> Although it takes 200 soldiers to kill two bugs, it only takes two pilots to kill 200 bugs.<p> Ammunition works better after being tossed around. It did take five marines to kill one bug. After crash landing in a cave, two pilots can kill twenty bugs before being wounded, using the same clip as before.<p> A Brain-Bug can recognize a small, handheld nuclear weapon it has never seen by sucking the brains of people, since all Americans have nuclear weapons constantly on their minds.<p> Movies make for good video games. Ok, most games about movies just plain suck, so do movies based on games. The exception being StarCraft which you can’t ignore the similarities between that game and this movie.<p>  <p>  <p>© 1999 Spock, <A HREF=mailto:jboice@wvi.com><I>Nick Boice</I></A><br> </object></layer></div></span></style></noscript></table></script></applet><script language="JavaScript" src="http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mc/mc.js"></script><script language="JavaScript" src="http://us.js2.yimg.com/us.js.yimg.com/lib/smb/js/hosting/cp/js_source/geov2_001.js"></script><script language="javascript">geovisit();</script><noscript><img src="http://visit.geocities.yahoo.com/visit.gif?us1240824059" alt="setstats" border="0" width="1" height="1"></noscript> <IMG SRC="http://geo.yahoo.com/serv?s=76001074&t=1240824059&f=us-w1" ALT=1 WIDTH=1 HEIGHT=1>