Tandem Story

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here's a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller.

In-class assignment for Wednesday:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his of her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following story was turned in by two English students: Rebecca and Gary

(Rebecca)
At first, Lauri couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost, keep her mind off Carl. His possesssiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergent Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with who, he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostaion 17," he said into his transgalactic communicater. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…" But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediatley, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the women who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolising War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth—when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her. "Why must one lose one’s innocene to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peacenkis who pushed the Unilaternal Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congrass had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determind to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’undrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly intiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missiles entered the atmosphere unimpded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can’t allow this! I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow ‘em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinstic, semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you’re a self-centered, tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the leteranry of Valium.

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch.