I want = You want.
We need = I want.
Can't we just be friends? = There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine.
I just need some space = ...without you in it.
Can you help me with... = If I keep whining the fool will do it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress? = We haven't had a fight in a while.
No, Pizza is fine = Cheap bastard.
Oh no, I'll pay for myself = I'm just being nice you cheap bastard
I just don't want a boyfriend now = I just don't want (you as) a boyfriend now.
I don't know. What do you want to do? = I can't believe you have nothing planned.
Come here = My puppy does this too.
You never listen = You never listen.
We're moving too quickly = I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in English has a girlfriend.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead = You do and you're dead meat, Pal!
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
Oh yes! Right there = Well, near there. I just want to get this over with.
I'm just going out with the girls = We're gonna get sloppy and make of you and your friends.
There's no one else = I'm having sex with your brother.
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're not going to like.
Haven't we seen this movie? = You put in Die Hard and I'm leaving.
I'm tired, you do it = Get off your lazy ass!
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
I'll be ready in a minute = I AM ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead.
Is something else on? = I hate Baywatch.
I'd love to = I'm too nice to say no.
I like you but... = I don't like you.
Let's go out to eat = I don't want to cook.
Some other time = Never.
I have other plans = I'm planing not to see you.
I'm busy that night = I'm busy not seeing you that night.
I lost your number = I'm not calling and don't call me again.
Yes = No.
No = No.
Maybe = No.
Do you think that girl is pretty? = Tell me I'm the prettiest women in the world.
I have a headache = Don't talk to me.
You look nice = Go change.
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby? = Get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
How do you feel about kids? = I'm pregnant.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Let's have some people over = I want to show you what a good relationship looks like.
Go mow the lawn = And edge, weed, water...
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
Size doesn't matter... = ...unless I want an orgasm.
The Answer To, "What's wrong?"
The same old thing = Nothing.
Nothing = Everything.
Everything = My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an jerk.
It's not important = I'm having a breakdown.
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam.
The Answer To, "How are you?"
Terrific = Okay, I guess.
Okay, I guess = Good.
Good = Fine.
Fine = Bad.
Bad = I hate men.
I hate men = I'm on my period.
I'm on my period = You have 5 seconds to live.
