THE ARCADE THAT TIME FORGOT

Arcades have quickly become things of the past. Just a passing memory of nostalgia from the 1980’s and 1990’s. With the overbearing popularity of the home videogame system, arcades have no need to exist anymore. Tell this to my local mall’s arcade who still think it’s living in 1988!

This arcade was one of the best things going for the mall back in the late ‘80’s. Unfortunately, the arcade has yet to step into the ‘90’s let alone the 21st Century. If you were to step inside this arcade, you will still find old classics such as Track and Field, Space Invaders, and the original WWF video game WWF Superstars. I dare you to go play WWF Superstars though and curse the arcade and everybody in it when you find that the control won’t allow you to move down. Meanwhile you’ll find the Honkey Tonk Man giving you the Shake, Rattle and Roll and pinning your ass to the mat. Fun times for all. Even more fun if I didn’t continuously drop a quarter in this machine forgetting that the stupid control was busted. Big Boss Man, if I could only move down to kick your no-talent butt, you would be guerrilla press slammed by my Ultimate Warrior and shown as the hack that you are.

The highlight of the arcade however, is the two cocktail table games they have of Popeye and Ms. Pac-Man. Not only do you have the luxury of finding an arcade that still carries the Popeye arcade game but you can also sit and play on the stained infested cocktail table version. Now how great is that? Not only can your kids shirk their duties and go around slacking off in the arcade but they can sit in luxury while doing so too.

One of my favorite parts of the arcade is the fact that since the mall is a virtual ghost land, you can hear Act 1 of Ms. Pac-Man all the way over to my former place of employment, a few stores away. So you can always root for the little guy in hoping that by the end of the act, Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man will finally meet head on. Your day is just so much happier afterwards. Of course, I wanted to poke people’s eyes out by the 1000th time of hearing Bart Simpson using his skateboard as a weapon in the Simpson’s game and the loud, annoying, shrieking sound of his voice while doing so. A sound so loud and annoying, listening to Mariah Carey screech on her last album is considered a pleasure and not a sentence of eternal damnation.

Another highlight of the arcade is the two claw machines filled ,and I use the word filled very loosely, with stuffed animals and jewelry. I think the last time anybody refilled one of these machines was back when the original Bush was in the White House. The items in these machines would make the Dollar Tree next store to the arcade bow their head in shame if they would to find these things in their inventory. I think the older lady that works behind the change booth made these stuffed animals herself using material from the old Five and Dime that used to be located in the mid ‘80’s where the arcade is at now. And the jewelry? You wouldn’t find a homeless person out in West Philly trying to pass this stuff off as imitation jewelry to sell, let alone the real thing.

To it’s credit, the arcade did try for a time to get some newer games in stock including Die Hard and Marvel vs. Street Fighter but after they purchased NFL Blitz 99, it must have broke their piggy bank because there hasn’t been hide nor hair of any type of new games hitting the arcade anytime this side of Haley Comet’s next appearance. If it wasn’t for the crappy beat up old pool tables in the back, I doubt the arcade would still be open today but they have to give the Mallrats something to do to keep them out of the other stores that are trying to keep customers, no matter how few and far between these customers may be.

So if you ever want to experience a bit of nostalgia or basically just to get a really good laugh, come find this fabulous Arcade and have some fun. You won’t regret it. Ok, you will regret it but what else is there to do this summer. If you’re lucky, you may even find me in there on occasion cursing at the Arkanoid machine as I try to get past that dangblasted 3rd level. Where are you when I need you laser pill?!?