Photo of Baby Allison and her Great Grandpa John.

Wow, it has been a crazy couple of weeks here. My father passed away on/or about July 23rd. His time of death is not precisely known as he lived alone and was found dead in bed after not having been heard from for a few days.

My father and I were estranged. I hadn't seen him in probably 12 years or so. After many many attempts to have him in my life, I decided that I couldn't do it any longer. Once I had children it became very important to me that they be protected from him and his out of control and unpredictable behavior. I saw him a few times by accident and he was always less than happy to see me. I decided that I would remove myself from the relationship and he made no outward attempts to reconcile with me. He never acknowledged my children. Over the past few years, he'd asked my brother for my phone number. Mike always refused, which was what I wanted. I did however send numerous cards and letters to my Dad, for Holidays, etc... He never acknowledged them or sent anything back.

I always thought that when he died, I'd be relieved at worst. This was surely not the case. At first I was indifferent, then after I traveled to California and saw the circumstances under which was he was living and ultimately died, I became very sad. He just never grew up. Emotionally that is. He never learned to put needs before wants; never learned to take responsibility for his own behavior or circumstances; never learned compassion; never learned to put the needs/wants of someone else before those of his own. One of the saddest things we found in his room were greeting cards that he'd purchased for me and my brother and our respective families that he'd never sent. Some were signed, others were not. We also found several greeting cards that I'd sent to him. They were never opened.

My brother and I made the arrangements for the disposition of his remains and spent a great deal of time talking about our Dad and our childhood. We sorted thru the aftermath and made some plans about what to do with his belongings. There's really nothing left to do. Any glimmer of hope that my brother or I may have had, that someday our Dad would wake up and realize the error of his ways, is gone. My brother is filled with coulda, shoulda, woulda. I have some of that, but I also realize that unless my Dad had been willing to change, I "coulda woulda shoulda" until the cows came home and it wouldn't have made any difference. He didn't want to change. It's a very sad waste of a human life.

There were some bright spots to my trip. I finally got to meet my beautiful niece, Allison Rae. She is nearly five months old and an absolute dollbaby. She has brought much joy to my brother and his wife, Melinda. I also got to spend some time with my Grandfather. Due to the fact that my father lived the last decade or so in my Grandpa's house, I hadn't seen my Grandpa in a very long time. At 93 he's still very sharp. He's up to date on all the current happenings in the world. He reads a lot and watches the news. His very quick wit and wonderful English sense of humor are still intact. We had a few great visits while I was there.

While I was away, Erik stayed home and watched the dogs and birds. I took Kyle to my Mom's in Georgia. He had a wonderful time with his MeMe, swimming and playing Legos. He came home last Saturday. Things are getting back to normal. School begins in about three weeks. I can't wait.