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The Chihuahua
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The
Chihuahua Gang - Woof
Get your Doggie Horiscopes here
"The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens."
SenatorGeorge Vest, l870
I am not sure if the American Kennel Club recognizes these titles or not but I know some of my crew have definitely earned them........
AD Attention Deficit
ARB Ace Refrigerator Bandit
BW Butt Wagger
BWX Butt Wagger Excellent
CC Cat Courser
CCX Cat Courser Excellent
CP Couch Potato
CPX Couch Potato Excellent
CSX Counter Surfer Extraordinaire
GFIY Go Fetch It Yourself
HHHP Head House Hold Pet
IDDI I Didn't Do It!
IWFF I Work For Food
LD Lap Dog
LDX Lap Dog Excellent
TGS Terribly Good Snorer
TGAN Terribly Good At Nothing
TSIM That Seat Is Mine
TTIM That Toy Is MINE
UTCD Under The Covers Dog
WM WHO ME!?!?
Why Dogs are better then Men
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
You can train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Both fart shamelessly.
Both like dominance games.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
Neither of them tells you what's bothering them.
Neither of them does dishes.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
1) You bought a bigger bed so that the dog could have more leg room.
2) You never forget to kiss your dog before you leave the house: the same, however, cannot be said of your disgruntled spouse.
3) You introduce yourself to every dog you meet as "(Your dog's name)'s mamma/papa."
4) Your dog's wardrobe is as large as yours.
5) You let your dog have canine guests over; in fact, you insist that he socializes.
6) You tell your dog secrets you wouldn't dare tell your spouse.
7) You watch TV sitting on the floor, so that the dog can sit on the couch behind you & rest his chin on your shoulder for a good view.
(to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
Dashing through the park
With our noses to the ground
Walking on our ears
Pretending to be hounds
Not using our eyes
We navigate by smell
If its over an inch high
Then, it's got a tale to tell
Oh, Doggie smells
Doggie smells
Outside of our home
Oh we love those doggie smells
When on the leash we roam
Doggie smells
Doggie smells
Marking every tree
All our other doggie friends
Have stopped right here to pee!
*Copyright 1996 Dogmama and Detroit Download Central All Rights
Reserved. >>
AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
NOT ONE PC WAS WORKING
NOT EVEN A MOUSE.
I TURNED ON THE POWER
BUT NOTHING WAS WORKING
I GRAB THE COMPUTER
AND START BANGING AND JERKING.
I LAID OUT THREE GRAND
FOR THIS BIG PIECE OF JUNK
ON JANUARY 1ST
THE DAMN THING WENT "KERPLUNK!"
WHEN I THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW
IT MADE SUCH A CLATTER
MY NEIGHBOR JUST CALLED
TO SEE WHAT'S THE MATTER.
I TURNED ON THE TV
THE CABLE IS DOWN
MY MICROWAVE OVEN
IS MAKING WEIRD SOUNDS.
MY NEW VCR
IS AS DEAD AS A ROCK
NOT ONE LIGHT IS BLINKING
NOT EVEN THE CLOCK.
IT'S TWENTY BELOW
THE PEAK OF SNOW SEASON
THE FURNACE WON'T WORK
THE PIPES ARE ALL FREEZING
THIS COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED
AT A WORSE TIME
I THINK I HAVE FROSTBITE
ON MY BEHIND.
I LAUGHED FOR A SECOND
AND THOUGHT IT ALL FUNNY
THEN A CALL FROM MY BANK
IN REGARDS TO MY MONEY.
"WE MANAGED YOUR PENSION
AND SAVINGS WITH CARE
BUT FOR SOME ODD REASON
YOUR MONEY'S NOT THERE
WE WERE Y2K READY
WE'D THOUGHT WE'D BE HEROES
BUT REGRET TO INFORM YOU
YOUR BALANCE IS..ZERO!"
I DROP THE RECEIVER
TO THE BATHROOM I RUSH
I PUSH DOWN THE HANDLE
THE TOILET WON'T FLUSH.
I TURNED ON THE FAUCET
NOT ONE DROP HITS THE SINK
I HEAD OUT THE DOOR
TO THE PUB FOR A DRINK.
I JUMP IN THE CAR
TURN THE KEY IN THE SWITCH
IT ONLY GOES "CLICK"
I SCREAM,"SON OF A BITCH!"
A COMPUTERIZED IGNITION
HAS JUST SEALED MY FATE
NOT SET UP
FOR THE "2000" DATE.
I TWITCH LIKE A MADMAN
THIS CANNOT BE TRUE
NO CAR, HEAT, OR MONEY
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?
SHOUTING OBSCENITIES
AS I RAN OUT OF SIGHT
HAPPY Y2K TO ALL
IT'S BEEN ONE HELL OF A NIGHT!
I will lend you a pup
I will lend to you for while, a Pup, God said, For you to love him while
he lives and mourn for him when he's dead. Maybe for 12 or 14 years, or
maybe 2 or 3. But, will you, 'til I call him back, take care of him for
Me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you and (should his stay be brief)
you'll always have his memories as solace for your grief. I cannot
promise he will stay, since all from Earth return, But these are lessons
taught, below, I want this Pup to learn. I've looked the whole world
over in search of teachers true. And from the folk that crowd life's
land, I have chosen you. Now, will you give him all your love? Nor hate
Me when I come to take My Pup back again? I fancied that I heard them
say, "Dear Lord, Thy Will be done."For all the joys this Pup will bring the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness. We'll love him while we may. And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. But should You call him back much sooner than we planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand. If, by our love, we've managed Your wishes to achieve In memory of him we loved, to help us while we grieve, when our faithful bundle departs this world of strife We'll have yet another Pup and love him all his life.
Ten reasons to breed
10. THOUGHT THE HOUSE WAS TOO ORDERLY.
9. NEVER DID LIKE HAVING A FULL NIGHTS SLEEP.
8. WANTED MY VET TO GET A NEW BMW.
7. THOUGHT THE FURNITURE LOOKED TOO NICE.
6. LOVE THE SOUNDS OF PUPPIES IN THE MORNING, NOON, AFTERNOON, EVENING, MIDNIGHT, AND PREDAWN.
5. GARDEN AND BACKYARD NEEDED RENOVATIONS, AND DIDN'T WANT TO PAY A GARDENER.
4. NEIGHBORS DIDN'T COMPLAIN ENOUGH.
3. KIDS WEREN'T ENOUGH OF A CHALLENGE.
2. IF YOU CAN TRAIN & SHOW ONE DOG, WHY NOT TEN?
1. WANTED TO SEE IF SPOUSE REALLY MEANT THOSE VOWS