Remembering Hopps

"Waters on a starry night

Are beautiful and fair;

The sunshine is a glorious birth;

But yet I know, where'er I go,

That there hath past away a glory from the earth."

-William Wordsworth

My beautiful mini-lop, Hopps, passed away at 4pm, June 26, 1999. He would've been 6 years old on September 14. He had been battling an advanced form of cancer silently, and I had been completely unaware of its shattering presence until it was too late. Just days before he fell ill, he was his usual loving and energetic self. He made me feel loved and special the way he would follow me around the house, sit by my feet in the living room, or right beside me on the couch. Kissing the palm of my hand repeatedly as I petted his forehead. I miss the way he filled up the house with his uniqueness, his beauty, his need to be with me at all times, his need to sleep under my bed at night.

When he fell ill on June 24^th, 1999 I was immediately alarmed. He was lying unresponsively under my bed, I knew instantly he was slipping away and felt completely helpless. My husband and I took him right away to the vet's and she discovered several lumps on his body and wanted to operate to investigate the origin of those lumps. The surgery turned out be both traumatic and painful for him, he held on to life for two more days.

The morning of June 26^th I held him in my arms and kissed him and cried. My husband and I then placed him on a table and petted him and tried to comfort him. Sometime within that two-hour frame that we stood by his side he managed to muster up all his strength to lift his weak body off the table and run to me. He let me touch him for a while and looked into my eyes and I did not know then that he was saying good-bye. He then struggled on his feet to turn around and make his way to my husband. He seemed to look at my husband for the longest time then he grew tired and we decided to let him get some rest. We had planned on returning the next day to visit with him but that very day, June 26, 1999, at 4 p.m. his heart stopped beating and my little angel slipped away into the bridge of beyond. When we received the call of his passing, my own heart seemed to stop and for a few long minutes everything seemed to stand still. It was as though even the earth seemed to hold its breath.

His life touched mine immensely and his death has left sadness, and an inconsolable ache in my heart. I will miss him each passing day and think of him. I look forward to the day that the sadness will lift from my heart and I can celebrate his life, however short it was. – Sweet dreams, my little angel. I will miss you until we meet again. 

Upon Hopps' passing my father remembered a story from his childhood about the passing of an Italian prince's pet and how as a tribute to his beloved companion the prince wrote a lullaby. My father too wrote a lullaby in the wake of Hopps' passing.  It is written in the Italian language. It is called Lullaby (La ninna-nanna)

Happy Times

I look at the pictures of Hopps and I will always remember the times that Hopps and I shared together. The times that he sat or slept across my feet and I read a book or watched t.v. I adored him and loved watching him as he slept or wandered throughout the house next to me. He was my angelic muse and a few months ago, I wrote a children's story based on my Hopps and I called it The Tale of Prince Hoppert. I remember how much he loved the bands of light, the way he always seemed to discover the exact place where the rays fell and he sat among them. Or the times that he would insist on being petted and would give you one chance but if you missed it he'd remind you by tugging at your pants or skirt, leaving little teeth marks in the fabric. I could never figure out those non-rabbit people, but as soon as they got to know him they were soon won over. They would often come to visit him because of his loving and friendly personality. I realize how lucky I was to have my little angel in my life. I would always tell him this, and he would look at me with those loving dark brown eyes knowing full well that I adored him. I loved the way he would wait outside the kitchen for his treats and binky in the air when he was happy. And it didn't matter how tired he was when he took naps during the day, the second I got down on the floor with him he'd run to me to be cuddled and petted. He was a precious gift, and brought me so much happiness. I could never picture the day that I would be with out him.  We were inseparable.  He followed me around so much as to get underfoot and I felt terrible for all the times I accidentally tripped on him. And if he weren't in his usual favorite places I would search the house for him. I know that he missed me when I went away on trips, and I missed him terribly. Only now he has gone away, there is a terrible permanence about it. I hope that wherever he has gone, someone else holds him now and kisses him the way I used to because he loved receiving love and giving it.

When the sunlight falls through my window

I'll imagine you there

Sitting among the rays of white morning light

Waiting for me

To sit with you in the warmth of those spaces

That surrounded us.

The way your warmth surrounded me

Each hour of each day made possible

By the gift of your life

And the warmth of your love.