October 6, 1998
How Cold is it? (a descriptive thermometer)

• at 60 degrees: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe.)
• at 50 degrees: Miami residents turn on the heat.
• at 40 degrees: You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming.
• at 35 degrees: Italian cars don't start.
• at 32 degrees: Water freezes.
• at 30 degrees: You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start.
• at 25 degrees: Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitifully, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.
• at 20 degrees: You can hear your breath, politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south.
• at 15 degrees: French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, your cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
• at 10 degrees: Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get the car going.
• at 5 degrees: You plan your vacation to Houston, American cars don't start.
• at 0 degrees: Alaskans put on T-shirts, Too cold to skate.
• at -10 degrees: German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
• at -15 degrees: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist.
• at -25 degrees: Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
• at -30 degrees: You plan a two-week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start.
• at -40 degrees: Californians disappear from the face of the earth, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip south.
• at -50 degrees: Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window.
• at -80 degrees: Polar bears move south.
• at -85 degrees: Wisconsinites wear sweaters to Packer games
• at -90 degrees: Lawyers put their hands in their OWN pockets

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