January 31, 1998
35 Ways to Say Someone is Stupid

1. Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
2. Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
3. As smart as bait.
4. Chimney's clogged.
5. Doesn't have all of his dogs on one leash.
6. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
7. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
8. His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
9. Forgot to pay his brain bill.
10. Her sewing machine's out of thread.
11. His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
12. His belt doesn't go all the way through the loops.
13. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
14. A few clowns short of a circus.
15. A french fry short of a Happy Meal.
16. A few peas short of a casserole.
17. Doesn't have all of his cornflakes in one box.
18. Dumber than a box of hair.
19. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
20. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
21. One Froot Loop shy of a full bowl.
22. One taco short of a combination plate.
23. The cheese slid off his cracker.
24. Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
25. Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt.
26. A few feathers short of a whole duck.
27. Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
28. Receiver is off the hook.
29. Too much yardage between the goalposts.
30. In the pinball game of life, his flippers are a little further apart than most.
31. Skylight leaks a little.
32. Slinky's kinked.
33. No grain in the silo.
34. Surfing in Nebraska.

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