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February 14, 2000
A Woman's Dictionary
- Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
- Bar-be-que (bar*bee*q) n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".
- Blonde Jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
- Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n.
Gotta get married in a church.
- Clothes Dryer (cloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
- Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M's.
- Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
- Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
- Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend a half hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
- Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
- Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n.
Similar to a black hole in space. If he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon.
- Lipstick (lip*stik) n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear!
- Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
- Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.