February 25, 1998
Peanuts
Actual Headlines
A policeman brought four boys before the judge. "They were causing an awful lot of commotion at the zoo, your Honor," he said.
"Boys," said the judge sternly, "I never like to hear reports of juvenile delinquency. Now I want each of you to tell me your name and what you were doing wrong."
"My name is George," said the first boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Pete," said the second boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Mike," said the third boy, "and I threw peanuts into the elephant pen."
"My name is Peanuts," said the fourth boy.
Actual Headlines

  1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
  2. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
  3. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
  4. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
  5. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
  6. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
  7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  8. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
  9. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  10. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
  11. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
  12. Eye Drops Off Shelf
  13. Teachers Strike Idle Kids
  14. Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
  15. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
  16. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
  17. Miners Refuse To Work After Death
  18. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
  19. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
  20. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
  21. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
  22. War Dims Hope For Peace
  23. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last A While
  24. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
  25. Deer Kill 17,000
  26. Enfields Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide
  27. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
  28. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  29. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  30. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
  31. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
  32. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  33. Chef Throws His Heart In Helping Feed Needy
  34. Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire
  35. Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
  36. Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half
  37. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

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