March 25, 1998
If Microsoft was Based in West Virginia

---

1. Their #1 product would be "Mikersoft Winders".
2. Instead of an hourglass icon, you'd get an empty beer bottle.
3. Occasionally, you'd bring up a winder that was covered with a Hefty bag and some duct tape.
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right!", "Naw", or "Git".
5. Instead of "Ta-da!" the opening sound would be dueling banjos.
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders 95 would be an outhouse.
7. Instead of "Start Me Up" the Winders 95 theme song would be “Achy-Breaky Heart".
8. Power Point would be named "ParPawnt".
9. The Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate flag.
10. Instead of "VP", Mikersoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
11. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
12. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.
13. "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire"
14. Flight Simulator would be placed by Tractor-Pull Simulator.
15. Mikersoft CEO: Billy-Bob (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates.
16. Internet addresses would begin with "dubya, dubya, dubya".
17. When your software goes down, you would no longer receive the message, “A fatal exception has occurred," but rather "You done done it now!"
    Click to subscribe to Kim's Chuckle-A-Day!