July 28, 1998
Woman: A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53 Kg but may vary from 40 Kg to 200 Kg
Occurrence: Common and widespread in urban areas

Physical properties

  1. Surface usually covered with painted film
  2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
  3. Melts if given special attention
  4. Bitter if incorrectly used

Chemical properties

  1. Has a great affinity to gold, silver, and range of prcious stones
  2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  3. May explode spontaneously withouth warning and for no known reason
  4. Most powerful money reducing agent known
  5. Several allotropes commonly found (i.e. divorcee, Dolly bird, Shrew, Nag)

Common Uses

  1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports car
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
  3. Very effective cleaning agent

Tests

  1. Pure specimens turn rosy pink when discovered in natural state
  2. Turns green when placed beside better specimen
  3. Prime specimen exhibit strong magnetic attraction which decays with age

Potential hazards

  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal to possess more than one concurrently, although several can be mantained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other. If this occurs, there is a severe explosion risk!!!!
  3. May unexpectedly change state, especially after application of gold ring


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