The History of Eww... You're A Girl & Girls Suck!

(Brief Account Only)

Eww... You're A Girl and Girls Suck started a long time ago, about 7 years ago (actually, its been longer since this was written, but you get the point) in the basement of Joel Bath with his best friend Paul Miller. These two had been friends for as long as either of them could remember and when Paul got his first guitar, it was fitting that Joel got a set of drums - beginners drums, but nonetheless - drums. That's how it all started people, two young boys with wet dreams of playing the stages of the world. Yet, a more arduous task of learning to play and write songs had to be dealt with first. This process lasted almost two years, until one day before the duo entered high school, they meet up with a boy by the name of Brendan James, or BJ for short. BJ just happened play bass, and although he was known for his love of "herb" and nauseating use of words such as "canoeing," "baptising," and "J" when talking about smoking up, he seemed right for the part. The band was now complete as a trio (One must mention the short membership of Rob Green on guitar although he didn't actually play one note because of conflicts with Joel. They hated each other).

These three men together called themselves Affybud and played their first show at some stupid high school band showcase called Swe. The show was completely awful. It consisted of Joel dropping his drum stick and then just stopping in the middle of a song, BJ standing in one place and jumping up and down on the spot for each song, and Paul just trying to get by. After being thoroughly disappointed and embarrassed, Affybud eventually got over it and resolved never to play at their crappy high school ever again. However, this didn't stop the trio from going on and playing their second show at some dump of a club in downtown Toronto. This show was promoted by one of those "Battle of the Band" companies called Supernova. And although this show went a little better, they were still kinda put off by the promoters bullying them for only selling two tickets (at $10 a piece... Ripoff!). One of these proud ticket-holders was a young lad named Ryan (the nickname Senseless had yet to come). He was a friend to both BJ and Joel, for he went to the same school as them. Through this connection, Ryan was in another band, playing bass, with Paul (who played drums in it) called Seymour with Geoff Lear and the aforementioned Rob Green. This band last only three shows because Geoff and Rob absolutely hated each other, but proved to Paul that Ryan could play.

Meanwhile, both Paul and Joel were becoming increasingly annoyed with BJ's ridiculous antics who was missing practices left, right and centre. Paul in particular was getting extremely suspicious of BJ's lack of interest. One such phone conversation from Joel's house went like this:

Paul: BJ! Why aren't you at practice?
BJ: Uh... I'm dying my hair...
Paul: Oh... well, okay. What colour are you dying it?
BJ: Blonde.
Paul: What? You're hair is already blonde!
BJ: No, it's not. It's DIRTY blonde.

Etc. It was either that or he was "too stoned to play." As you can see, this got very annoying and after about three long months, Paul final got the courage to kick BJ out of the band, and crowned Ryan as the new bass player. With this line-up change, the name of the band also changed to G.I.T. (which was often time just called GIT). What kind of music was the band playing, you ask? Well, it was Green Day/Sex Pistols punk in those days. Simple stuff that sounded bad 'cause no one really knew how to play their instruments yet. The band, with this line-up, continued to play with limited success for half a year until a certain Mike Long appeared. Mike "Fucking" Long, as he is often referred to, had played in this band called Innocent Bystanders, who were semi-good (their claim to fame was that they had played the Warehouse). No one in G.I.T. at the time had actually heard of the band, but Paul had taken a leader-in-training course to teach him how to be a summer-camp counselor (which he never followed up on and felt was a complete and utter waste of time). But, it was here he first caught the glimpse of this Mike Long fellow.... and didn't like him. You see, Mike Long would bring his guitar AND amplifier to the classes and on breaks would crank out Guns N' Roses and Megadeth solos and such. "Wanker," thought Paul. However, in a strange turn of events, years later, just after Ryan had joined the band, they met again and Paul remembered that he could play guitar... and was good at it.

Anyway, G.I.T. was going to play this show for some of their friends at this "club" near the Art Gallery of Ontario (it wasn't really a club, more like a room with nothing in it, and it later became a casino). Wanting to play some Op Ivy covers, Paul asked Mike to play guitar so that he could just sing and prance around. Now, this show stands out in the minds of all who were there for the strange organic potato fight that happened shortly after our set (the cause being our friend Nathan King). Besides that, the band's set had a great reaction! There was a floor stage so there were people all around them, everyone was dancing and having a good time. It was the best they had ever played - and the best thing that could happen to a bunch of high school geeks in a band.

Due to the success of this show, the band asked Mike Long to join on guitar (Paul's "reason" was that he need someone to play better solos). The first show with the line up of Paul, Ryan, Joel and Mike Long was at this old, closed-down ski resort called the Honey Pot, which a hardcore band from Maple, Ontario called 5 Finger Discount asked them to play (No one don't remembers how we knew them). The only reason for mentioning this show was that it was held in the worst conditions which Eww... had and will ever play in. There was no running water (thus no washrooms), no heat, and the cops ended up busting the show for underage drinking and selling liquor without a license. It was fun. The four of us got along well and got a bunch more shows except with every show, Paul and Ryan (maybe even Mike Long) realized that Joel wasn't a terribly good drummer and that there needed to be a replacement found. That person was Paul's friend Richard Ng. Rich was playing bass in a Rancid cover band with Paul and Joel, which was a band with the original name of Eww...You're A Girl, but he was really a drummer. Anyways through that connection, Paul asked Rich to play just for a couple of shows and the band's named changed to the current one (I'll leave the story of how the name came to be for another time).

Rich's first show was playing at the birthday party of one of Mike Long' s friends called Jessica (not one of his ex-girlfriend, you must keep in mind), which was a horrible experience for everyone except for Paul who arrived two hours late (You try having fun when you're guarding your equipment for a bunch of high school wannabe ravers/gangtas!). Now, don't feel too bad for Joel because he went to play in another band called SAY UNCLE. He was happy there and that's how we'll leave it. So, things were looking good for all. Around this time, Mike Long had began speaking with Zach from Ductape (which at that time was only a 'zine, and not a record label) and Zach was kind enough to put Eww... You're a Girl on the bill for the Marilyn's Vitamins Squeegee Girls 7" release party. (In case you're not from around these parts, the Vitamins were probably the biggest local punk band in Toronto, RIP December 28th, 1999). This was the biggest step in the history of the band. This was the show that first exposed the Toronto scene to the fury of Eww... You're A Girl. It also made Zach realize that Eww were a good band, (despite our horrid performance, from Paul’s point of view, at the show) and he put us on the bill of his shows more often. At that show, Paul's crappy guitar kept shorting out and there were constant delays as Rich's bass drum broke down on him twice. After the show, Rich lay on the ground motionless for over 20 minutes (we thought he was passed out or dead for a while so we just let him lie there, but it turns out he was just upset). The best part about that show was the two o'clock in the morning drunken practice that happened (Remind us to tell you of the stories that occurred during that night).

After getting over their second public embarrassment, Eww... You're a Girl got back on their feet and attempted mild advancements in their careers as rock n' roll stars - they played more shows and became a bit more publicly acknowledged. It was with this fuel and anger towards Swe and their high school that Eww... You're a Girl decided to play it again - 2 years later and as a more solid band. That night turned out to be one of the greatest. The staff and teachers shut the set down 3 times! Once for "inciting a riot" when they encouraged people to get up on stage and dance, and the other times for swearing... and the final time was when they threw apple pies into the audience - which was to mark the beginning of a trend for the band - and played with great energy. After the excitement of the set, we gained a small cult-like following in the school for being the band that pissed everyone off (gees, doesn’t that sounds really, really punk rock). The show also became a subject of controversy in the Thornlea student paper about censorship... heh heh heh.

Anyhow, at was at this point where Eww considered making a CD. Through other bands, Simon Head's name came up and since the band knew no one else, Insight Studios was the choice for the first recording. Simon was great, with both his kind, yet sarcastic, advice and allowing us to use his equipment. This started another trend for the band that at recording sessions, they never ended up using their own equipment because it was either too crappy or they had forgotten it at their houses. Simon's repeated (and well deserved) lecturing on organization made them realize their follies and they vow from here on to start using their own stuff.

The tracks that appeared on this first EP, Something for the Ladies, were not chosen for how good they were, it was just the first six songs that they played in the studio. A slight oversight on EwwYAGAGS's part perhaps, but it worked out for the best (except for the 50 CD that we lost… but we’re not going to go there right now). The Eww-Tang army just kept playing on and on, through most of the greater Toronto area, with brief appearances in Northern Ontario. The sales of Something for the Ladies when well and a little over a year later, all copies had been sold and the band was clear of debt. Alas, within this time period a falling out occurred. Rich had left to go away to university and the band rarely practiced and ended up just playing shows cold. (At least we think) The fans knew nothing of the problems that were going on. No new songs were being played and the quality of the live shows was decreasing (There's more but we'll leave it at that for now).

Yet, during this time we played an awesome show with the Smugglers and Marilyn's Vitamins. It was great, mostly because this was the first time we opened for a band that was actually semi-famous with a cult following. It was a of fun. In addition, we also practiced for this show, unlike almost every other show we'd played. This was also the "last" show with Rich (there was another show where Rich was supposed to play, but due to car troubles, he ended up coming too late to play).

In the summer of 1999, Rich left and a critical part of Eww... You're A Girl left with him. Now Paul, Mike Long and Ryan continued to play shows, either with Paul playing drums and sing ing (which didn't work all to well) or with our pal deluxe Ari from SAY UNCLE filling in. Some shows during the time, members of the band were willing to throw in the towel. Yet, due to some support of friends (which are too numberous to be named) the band stuck it out. At this time Zach approached the band with an offer to be on a split CD with The Tri-Lams (they had just moved to Toronto from Ottawa), The Moops (featuring our biggest fan, Sam. He had our demo and was singing along before anyone else knew who we were). There were three songs that Rich had played on, and the only thing left to do was record another three songs. So it was back to Simon's, with Paul playing drums this time. The result is the six songs that appear on Spilled Milk: a Benefit for Lactose Intolerance (get yours today! See the Media page!!).

Since then, we have contacted Liam (*cough cough*)... I... err... don't know his last name, former drummer of ska-punk band The 4:20 Club who has been kind enough to take on the responsibility of drummer (well aware of the repeating fate of Eww... You're a Girl drummers). Yet, once again there was nothing to come from it. As of now, we've had about four different replacement drummers (the above mentioned Ari, Paul "drummer" Miller, Mikey from Dead Letter Dept., and Derek from Sassing Mackenzie. The show mikey played with us, Rob from DLD got naked during their set. It was both funny and scary at the same time.). The history just continues to write itself.

I like to thank anyone who actually reads this whole thing. There are spelling, grammar, and formating mistakes that we, Eww... You're A Girl, are sorry for making you read such an uninteresting story. In the future we'll get others to write it for us. Thanks.

Here’s the end of the story. After Rich left, the rest of the band tried to continue, but it wasn’t the same with Rich. There was something missing (besides a real drummer). The mixture of the four different personalities of Paul, Mike Long, Ryan and Rich was the core behind the energy in the band. After one quarter of that was gone… well, it just wasn’t the same. There wasn’t as much friendly name calling (the name calling was still there, but we actually started meaning it); Angry debates didn’t get left at the kitchen table, but started following the band everywhere; and most importantly, people started living their lives and didn’t have as much time to practice. After a year of playing shows with revolving drummers, EwwYAGAGS! decided to end it. The band runs into each other every-so-often and talks about a reunion show, but who knows with this bunch of lazy ass motherfuckers.