You have a face like a baboons arse.

Have you a match, yes your face my arse

How can you be so ugly with only one head?

If I had a face like yours I’d teach my arse to speak and walk backwards.

You’re so ugly your mother wears a bag to kiss you goodnight

If a tree falls in the woods, would you still smell so bad?

I hear you met your partner at the zoo! What were you doing in the Monkey House?