meaningless morsels

The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickle the company once had.
The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate. Sounds like i'm part ferret.
A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals. Notice they don't call em Kids Meals. Tricky tricky tricky...
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily. I want my mommy. The real one.
Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system. A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog. Alas, poor Mollie, we walked her well.
Most lipstick contains fish scales. I'll stick with my Carmex thank you.
Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine. Mustard usually cures all for me.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class. so...that's why the peanuts aren't honey-roasted any more! commie bastards.
There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. Yet another chapter unfolds on the dangers of alcohol...hey i didn't say it was bad! just dangerous.
The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white. I always knew there was something creepy about that Star Trek show...
The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'! ...mmm do i smell Pokemon ripoff?
By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. excerpt from "Handy Survival Tips You'll Never Need, But should Know in Case your Uncle Stan calls from the wilds of Africa Needing Assistance"
Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo.
Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. watch out Cindy Crawford...
In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered. ...not worthy...not worthy...not worthy...
Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
Goldfish have a memory bank of 5 minutes. Ah…the secret to eternal youth.
Evian is naļve spelled backwards. Makes sense considering how much people pay for bottled water.
Breast implants require the destruction of nerves in the breasts and breast-feeding is no longer possible. So now Ms. Spears is basically a guy w/super bitch tits and w/out a penis.
Scat is the scientific term for poop. Oh scat.
Gas stations in NJ are full service by law. Funny story behind that one. The gas station attendants looked at us like we were gonna sack the place when we got out of the car.
There is a bulldozer buried under the Univ. of Illinois (Urbana-Champaign) football field.
Excerpt from “Paul’s Case” by Willa Cather:

“He burnt like a faggot in a tempest.”
Response from a classmate:
“Does that mean he’s a flamer?”
SWAT = Special Weapons And Tactics