Good Advice? Of Course Because It Comes From Sassy!!!

ASK SASSY

Only certain people know why this young lady has earned this title.  Do you think she'll ever divulge the reason?  Do you really care?  Of course you do; otherwise, you wouldn't be reading her award winning column...Now without further ado, EG Management Services, Ltd., presents the one, the only, SASSY

Featured Dilemma:

Do I have an STD?

Flaming Unit:

It's good that you have finally come to terms with your feelings for other men.  Perhaps you should look into organizations that really help others like yourself.  As Stan Marsh once said:  It's OK to be gay.

Regarding your little problem, do I look like a doctor?  I AM SASSY!  I am not your family doctor.  Well, I suppose you wouldn't want to go to your family doctor to treat this little problem.  Who have you gone to before?  I know you've had this problem before since you are such a "ladiesh man".  Go see that quack.  He'll give you some tetracycline or zovorax.  I'm sure your little burning sensation will go away after that.

You're the type of man, and I use the term "man" loosely when I refer to you, that keeps others down while inflating his own opinion of himself.  I'm reminded of an episode of Laverne and Shirley as I write this to you today.  They were to play the tramps in a military film warning our boys in the armed forces about the evils of loose women.  It was called:  This Can Happen To You.  Well, it obviously did happen to you and I don't think it could have happened to a better fellow.

AND YES, GIVE UP THE WHORES AND BOOZE!!!!

On second thought let me give you a little advice in your own twisted language:

SHTAY OFF THE WHORESH AND BOOZSHE!!!  GO SHEE A PHYSHICSHIAN FOR YOUR BURNING SHENSHATION!!  THE SHASSH HASH SHPOKEN! 

Good Lord, that was more difficult than I thought.  Have you ever thought of seeing a speech therapist for your lisp.  It might help you with your problems of self esteem.

Hugs Not Drugs (BUT NOT FOR THE FLAMING UNIT),

Sassy

P.S.  I have a question for all my loyal readers, who was your favorite character on Saved By the Bell and why?  I look forward to your responses at kuhlthing@yahoo.com

You are just jealous because you can't get away with this look.  I, The Sassy One, know what's hot and that just happens to be little ol' me in a sombrero.  Don't make me mad, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!!!

Dear Shasshy:

Your lasht bit of advicshe to me really got me to think.  Thank you sho much for all your help.  Where would I be without your shage wishdom.

Now, let'sh get to my problem.  Ash I told you in my lasht misshive, I'm quite the ladiesh man.  My wife doeshn't know thish.  Ssshe thinksh I'm away on bushinessh all the time.  Really, I'm engaged in really kinky shexual actsh with underage proshtitutesh.  I love underage proshtitutesh. 

Anyway, lasht month, I met a particularly intereshting young woman, or sho I thought.  Ssshe turned out to be a he; however, I'm a very liberated man and had shome really grossh kinky man-love actsh with thish guy.  Now, my pee peee hurtsh and it burnsh when I make number one.. 

I'm a little worried that I may have a shexually transhmitted disheashe.  What do you think

Flaming Unit
Laguna Niguel, CA

P.S. Ssshould I give up the whoresh and boozshe while I have thish problem?

If you have a problem that you'd like Sassy to solve, please send your issue to kuhlthing@yahoo.com.