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Skye's Funeral

Skye's funeral was held on Saturday June 4th at 11am. It was a simple and short ceremony by the graveside at a woodland burial ground just south of Redditch, Westall Park Woodland Burial Ground (www.westallpark.net). The Woodland burial ground was chosen because it offers a more calming surrounding for a child's funeral. We also hope that it will help to reserve some countryside long into the future.

Belinda and I were deeply moved by the warmth shown to us by those who turned up for the funeral, and we thank them for the courage they showed sharing with us in our grief. In the following wake at my mother's house we both noticed a significant weight had been lifted from us and felt, for the first time since losing Skye, that we could relax and enjoy the company of old and new friends. Thank you for that.

Sincere thanks to Amy and Arran who made the complicated logistics of the day invisible to us. They also drove to be with us late at night to support us when Skye passed away, and for that we will be forever grateful.

Ceremony

The following is a script of the Eulogy read by Kim by the graveside:

When Belinda was in the last few months of pregnancy I used to tie her shoe laces because she couldn’t reach. I used to pretend that they were Skye’s laces I was tying. Skye didn’t even have a name then. We called her “Pointy” because of the pointed shapes she made out of Belinda’s tummy when she kicked around.

I won’t get to tie Skye’s laces now, but I must remember that she doesn't know what she missed.

She never wore a dress, or had a first day at school. She didn’t stay out too late, or leave home, or ask me if she could get married – probably all on the same day. But I can’t blame her for any of those things that we have missed out on. It is for us to reconcile not for her to apologise.

What’s more important is that she never knew fear, never felt pain. The closest she came to discomfort was impatiently shivering whilst I ineptly tried to change her nappy for the first time. She didn’t shed a tear throughout her short life. She lived a full and happy life.

To keep her company in the coffin, we gave her a soft toy, a lock of hair from each of us. We also put in a picture of us holding her seconds after the birth. On the back we wrote simply: “Know only, that you were loved”.

In the car on the way to the funeral I was listening to a song by Sarah McLachlan. In its chorus it has the words "Every generation brings the new born hope, un-jaded by their years". How can this be true of Skye? What are we supposed to learn from this? Where is that new born hope? With some careful thought, and guided as much by the extraordinary compassion of our friends and family as by each other, we have gradually begun to see that there are positives the other side of this.

Skye's heart valves - may save two lives. Transplanted heart valves don’t grow with the baby so a significant supply of donors is vital.
Skye brought us closer to friends/family – evidenced by those surrounding us now and the cards, emails, and text messages that we have received.
Skye has reinforced my trust and belief in the human spirit. We have found out how many people have been through tragedies and how remarkably they have managed to go on putting one foot in front of the other and put their lives back together. They are a source of inspiration to us.
Skye woke us up to the fact that you can't control everything. You can’t “make it right” with will power or hard work alone, but regardless, you still must give everything you have. I have finally learned what unconditional love means, and understood just a little about what amazing people our parents must be to take on this huge challenge.

It is remarkable how someone so young could have such profound effect on the people around her. It turns back to front what we traditionally think in terms of who the givers and the receivers are in parenthood. I am going to finish by reading a poem that reminds me how it is often not clear what is the cause, and what is the effect. If feels almost that Skye might be reading this to me.

I Am the Song (by Charles Causley)
I am the song that sings the bird
I am the leaf that grows the land
I am the tide that moves the moon
I am the stream that halts the sand
I am the cloud that drives the storm
I am the earth that lights the sun
I am the fire that strikes the stone
I am the clay that shapes the hand
I am the word that speaks the man

The poem "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas was also read by Amy and Sally in memory Skye's brave struggle against her condition.

The ceremony concluded with music from Sicilian by Faure played on the flute by Jessica, creating a beautiful atmosphere for some moments of private thought.

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