My Brother,  Jim Sipes (1943-2000)

   On this day of incredible grief for me, I want to briefly 
talk about my brother Jim, who died Tuesday.  Like a lot of 
brothers, I was, at times, foolishly embarrassed by Jim for 
different reasons.  This is why it is so important for me to 
speak my thoughts now.

   I am so proud to have had this wonderful man as my brother.  
These are words I seldom expressed thru the years to either him 
or to others.  But, more and more, I started to realize how 
special he was.  He was the kindest, most thoughtful person I 
have ever known.  Even in the depths of his own problems, he 
could still find the time and energy to help others, especially 
me.

   Most people who knew Jim, even briefly, were helped in some 
way by him.  For those who were lucky to have spent considerable 
time with him, they benefitted enormously.  I, more than anyone 
else.

   Jim struggled with some very tough handicaps throughout his 
life.  He endured some terrible experiences such as what 
occurred on October 5, 1971.  He was working on a construction 
job, when he rested his hand on a spike as a co-worker came down 
full force with a sledgehammer on his finger.  He was sent home 
and when he got there he found out his mother had died.  All 
this on his 28th birthday.  And the saddest thing is that there 
are many pleasures and experiences that most of us have had, but 
that Jim never enjoyed.

  However, Jimmy, more and more, as time went by, learned to 
enjoy many things in life that most of us take for granted.  He 
also, in later years, found a faith in God that strengthened him 
thru struggles and made him an eternal optimist.

  Jim was a laborer, a stock clerk, a computer programmer, a 
handyman, and a entrepreneur of sorts.  The accomplishment that 
Jim was most proud of was earning a college degree after twenty 
years of striving for that goal.  Jim was also very 
knowledgeable about things automotive and mechanical and helped 
people with his know-how when he could.

  But most of all he was someone who literally was without 
limits when it came to kind acts toward others.  Some of the 
things he did for me where incredible in their selflessness and 
uniqueness.  There are so many examples.  One time, not at my 
request and without my permission, Jim went to a doctor and 
spoke with him concerning a medical condition I had.  He had a 
milder case of the same ailment.  He went to the doctor to find 
out information concerning the problem and took medications just 
so that I would be more knowledgeable and less afraid to seek 
such treatment.

  He also taught me to read and write before I started school.
  If I went to the hospital he would stay for whatever time I 
was there.
  He drove me anywhere I needed to go and videotaped hundreds of 
my softball games.
  He financially helped to support me in the early days, many 
years ago.
  He did my taxes and many hours of medical research for me, 
without me asking him to.
  In the sixties, when I wanted to drop out of school, he 
offered to pay me $5 a day (big money at the time), if I would 
continue until I was 17.
  He was my constant defender and companion.
  I am also so grateful to Jim for the thousands of hours of 
tennis and golf we played for many years when we had no one else 
to play with.
  And there were the many car trips and healthy walks, done at 
his urging.
  Of course, Jim was eccentric as his Christmas letters 
indicated.  He was still working on 1999's when he died.  He was 
an excellent student and was well read in many subjects.  He was 
big fan of Dr. Robert Schuller, Vince Lombardi, John Wayne, 
Theodore Hesburgh, and Dick Biondi.
  He had an outstanding vocabulary and his spelling was near 
perfect.
  His memory was so good, I would go to him and ask him to 
relate some long ago experience that I had told him about and 
had forgotten the details.

  Finally, one more personal note which I have already shared 
with some.

  Jim did one last kind thing for me.  He was well aware that I, 
like all of my family, take the death of a loved one unusually 
hard.  When our mother died in 1971, Jim was devastated and 
preoccupied with her loss for months, stretching into years.
  Well, a few years back I found a manila envelope with the 
words, "ABSOLUTELY, STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL-OPEN UPON MY DEATH 
ONLY.  James Sipes 9-15-74".

  I asked Jim about it and he said he meant it.  Please don't 
open it.  For once, I obeyed his request.

  When Jim died this week I went thru his papers to see if he 
left any instructions on how he wanted to be buried and came 
across this envelope.
  When I saw this, my hands shook wondering what he had written 
25 years earlier.  I opened it and read the note inside.  The 
following was written on a torn piece of paper in scribbled hand 
writing:

  "Dan, If I die. - Then your happiness, wealth, and health are 
the only things that matter to me.  I enjoyed life despite the 
occasional pains.  Don't study my life.  Don't look back too 
much, if at all.  Be good and enjoy every minute you can.  Make 
yourself happy and someone else happy.  That's what life is all
about.  If you are happy, then I am happy after death.  Don't
make me sad after I die."

  I hope this once I can find the strength to follow his wishes.