*sets wheel of misfortune*

okay, once there was a little girl who walked around the world.
and as she walked around the world, she came to a realization that the world sucked.

so she took out a knife and started to slit her wrists.

and then a queer man with a top hat came along and said "silly girl,you're doing that all wrong."
and the little girl said fuck you, because the world had corrupted her with an unusual vocabulary.
but the queer man did not go off and fuck himself,
and indeed instead hovered around the little girl. 
and at long last, he said.... "gaarg!"
"gaarg!" he said.  "i am saying gaarg!"
"gaarg?"
asked the little girl...
"yes, gaarg!"  said the man.
"i am the count of gaarg.
and if you come with me i will show you a wonders that will make your pitiful life worth living."
and the little girl said "you're a rapist, aren't you!!"
and the man said, "how did you.. ah, but you don't have to worry.  the narrator herself said it. 
i'm a QUEER man."
and then he dragged her off by her bloody wrist.
and as they walked, he explained to her how all the world edged into a state of death.
how that death was the finality, the omega, the final resolution of the chaos of the world.
and so the whole world longed for death,
and the intelligent felt and saw this need,
and took it upon themselves to off themselves to suit the greater good.

but, he said,
the intelligent have a social obligation to the dimwit to shuffle the world off it's mortal coil.
in particular, humanity only reaches it's potential after it has met it's demise
after death, the links between man and man somehow merge,
and the cold solitude of life makes way to certain understandings... 
the little girl listened intently, and it all made perfect sense.
so the man explained that she must stay alive,
to appreciate the death of the world,
and to give her service to her mother earth by assisting the ridiculously unevolved apes
called man
in releasing the grip of tedium that held captive their idiot earthly desires,
and push them onward into infinite enlightenment.
and so, the little girl became a call receiver at the suicide hotlihne.
"DO IT!!  DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!"
the end.



by Liz