Jingle Bell Run 2000 (November 25, 2000)

Dancer           Comet            Blitzed            Olive             Vixen 

After not making the cut for Santa’s team (damn that Rudolph, anyway), 5 dejected reindeer got together to console each other and drown their sorrows with a few wheelers and clamtinis.

Dancer        and     Blitzed

That brave smile doesn’t fool anyone, and poor Dancer 'Greg' is having trouble just focusing on the camera, so facial expressions are beyond him at this point.  At some point during the evening, Santa dropped by with one of the Reindeer team.  We were all more than a little choked to find out that a dog made the team, and we didn’t, so we drank more and ate more nachos.  It was not a pretty sight.

              Santa                             &                 Buddy

Towards the end of the evening we decided to redeem ourselves as reindeer and regain some of our self-respect.  We would run, darn it, and run fast.  Fast like all good reindeer should, hungover or not!!  The next morning bright and early, except for Greg and Lee who were fashionably late, we converged at Vixen’s (aka Larry Lang) house for coffee, muffins, and dress rehearsal.  We made our way down to the Centre of the Arts and registered our team : Team Reindeer Rejects.  There were a couple of other groups of reindeer milling about, but we soon bullied them into submission with taunts about their red antlers and girlie-looking ribbons and garland. Hey, all’s fair in a charity race.  It’s all about winning, isn’t it?

There was a 10-minute warm up outside, and then we were off!  They let the individual 5 km. Runners go first, and then unleashed the relay teams.

Our lead runner, Comet (aka Lee Ubell), with Comet and toilet brush in hand, “”wiped out” a snowman and at least one other reindeer competitor.

The Candy Cane baton was passed on to Vixen (the Bitch, Larry Lang), who had to outrun every male reindeer on the course as a result of her sultry and sexy stride.  Hooooo Baby, you are hot!!!!!  They all wanted to play reindeer games with her!

Number 3 on our team was our resident drunkard, Blitzed (aka Iain Harry).  It took him a while, but he speed-wobbled around the course, harrassing others and just generally being a pain.  It was quite a chore to keep him away from Vixen.  He was pretty much out of control.  When we caught him trying to make time with a coat rack, we just left him alone.

Taking up the cause in the number four spot was Dancer (aka Greg Dyck).  With his grass skirt and graceful stride, he sashayed around the course in record time.  It takes a Real Saskatchewan Hero to maintain some semblance of masculinity while running around in a hula skirt.  Your dignity remains somewhat intact, Greg.

Last, but not least, is our last reject. Olive.  Olive “the other reindeer”.   When not trying to explain who the hell Olive the other reindeer was, Olive spent her time hogging the media limelight and just generally being efficiently annoying.  She means well, the poor dear.  Would someone please put a sedative in her Reindeer Chow?

As a team, we placed fifth, and won for best team name.  Our self-respect on the mend, we attended the post event breakfast, and listened to a heart-wrenching speech from a young woman with debilitating arthritis.  It was humbling to listen to her talk about what an accomplishment it was for her to dance at her son’s graduation.  She had undergone a hip replacement 3 weeks prior to the Jingle Bell Run, and actually walked up onto the stage.  It is a wake up call to all of us who complain about little aches and pains, and feel so badly when we don’t get that PR, or have to cut back on our running.  We are the fortunate ones.   Count your blessings, everyone.

I now present to you Team Reindeer Rejects

                                                               Dancer             Comet                Blitzed       Olive             Vixen 

Until next year.