Stories and Snippets... journey heart letter the dance
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journey

sitting here feeling empty hollow mind has distant sounds of thoughts lumbering throughout the chambers held within. smelling the staleness embedded in the air. looking about at a place magnificently transformed by time. dreaming of the time when others felt as i do now despite the two entities being completely dissimilar. time has manifested all things in the heavans and upon the earth. uncomprehensible volumes contain knowledge we, though compared with nothing, deem advanced. still, on another breath poised to apologize for our miniscule roll in the universal production. feeling calm while delving into lavished imaginations that are a river flowing below. brightness pushing vision aside while tensing to withdraw. thinking forward knowing the feelings when next this journey begins. Marcus/Sam

heart

The blackened heart of the beast lay on the floor, still pulsating and dripping with the fluid that once carried life to the expanses of the massive creature. This quivering mass of hideous tissue, emitting its hollow thud that echos throughout the dimming cavern and dimming with each beat, is the only voice left from the most violent battle which has just preceeded. Bodies strewn about the rocky floor in the dimming light reflecting from the glassy walls of the chamber tell the horrific tale of how this encounter proceeded. Steel clad bodies, obviously the first wave of the attack, covered with soot as if blasted by the firey soul of a coal furnace lie near the east entrance. Charred human carcasses, barely recognizeable, encircled the entirety of the scene as if to cause confusion and open up a weakness for the point of attack. Nearest to the center of the chamber, a squadron of great warriors' mangled bodies some still grasping their weapons exemplified a futile show of bravery. The foreboding body of the beast lay nearest the west entrance, as if when mortally wounded, it attempted to flee. Which mighty warrior had slain the beast? A rhythmic code from the heart might tell if it had not just beat its last.

letter

Hello again. It's just me sitting here in the lab. Listening to the sounds echoing throughout this building where I attend school. I can't really say why I'm here. Mary and I spoke again today. I feel so alone. Never before had I stopped to think of how far I am away from everyone I know and everything that was so familiar to me. No matter what I was doing or where I was there was always a constant reminder that someone cared for me and that I was not truly alone. I still wake up thinking of her, but now when I think of her beautiful smile and her cute ways of seeing things, I feel sad. This sadness is intertwined with a deep pain that I can not fully understand. I feel so alone. She brought me out of a terrible place that I had so deeply fallen into. She gave me a reason to endure the blows that life had given me. No matter what the day was like, I constantly thought of how we would be together that night. We talked and laughed; We held each other and felt the support and love that each had for the other. She was sick one day and I happened to drop by. Just having my presence there uplifted her spirit and eased her pain. Alas, I had to leave. My path took me away from her. I left so that I could start over with my training and school in the hope that one day I could become the quality of person that she deserved to be with. I returned every weekend so that we could be together. Together we were happy. Together we were one. These memories confuse my pain. This undying pain that began not too long ago entangles with every aspect of my new life. Last night I received a phone call. It was from her. She told me that it was over between us. I am sad. I hurt for a love that was lost and that should never have been broken. I am alone now. This journey that I had started doesn't seem to have any purpose any more. My reason for being has left me. I sit here in the lab while people are all around. I am still alone. I know they are there, but I can not hear them. I can not see their form. All the while I know of their presence and the presence of the others in the place. Oh, the others, the ones having fun, are all about me now. I still can not see them, for I am still alone.

the dance

October 17, 1995 I am sitting here on the couch. The television is filling the room with a somber array of sounds that fill my head and collide with my thoughts. Light from above falls on the objects in the room. I am feeling the cool breeze blowing from the box fan in the next room. My head feels full of thoughts without any particular order associated with them. Thoughts of friends and family flow about while a constant question keeps attacking me from within. This thought is not formed of words or ideas, but of feelings. Feelings of sadness and sorrow comprise the force of my thought. A commercial catches my attention for a moment. I look to see what information is so extatically trying to be relayed to the weary onlooker at this early hour. The current time is being displayed by my lowly computer. It shows to be 2:54 in the morning. I know that I should be doing another task, but as is the usual procedure for me, I lay on this tired and uncomfortable couch constantly keying in information and nonsense for my computer to decipher and carry out. I am numb. The ever present influences of the tangled web of my life pressure me in a way that causes all but my soul to back away and hide in the darkness within myself. My soul still feels. It feels the most painful of all the entanglements my mind can conceive. I think, I think, I constantly think. Problem this and example that. Oh the noise that fills the darkness within my being! Why can't I leave? Why is there no peace? Then again I feel the pain. You can not see my pain upon my face. I hide within myself. I see the memories of a love that was pure and true. A beautiful young woman who cared for me and filled my darkness with a blinding light. Her touch made me tingle. Her kiss silenced the hellish voices and lifted my soul. I loved her. Never could I fashion a reason for her to be drawn to me. I loved her still. We, us, this couple shared a mutually beneficial bond that supported and uplifted both involved. My world was complete. I had only to attain a position in the world so that I could care for and provide for her the way she should know. I left to accomplish this task. We spoke often and were together before the seventh day. Every week we came together and I felt the bond grow stronger. Until the last. I am saddened again. From the first sight of my lady, I could see a touch of alienation. Her smile was beautiful, but withdrawn. Her touch was not as warm as I had remembered. I follow her and then, yes then, I see. Who is this person, this guy? I dismiss the thought. Oh, the noise! I can not stay. Leave, go, get away from it all. The noise exists within me still. Time quiets a touch and I regain my composure. I arrive at the dance. This place that I had longed for. She will be there, and we will dance. We will talk and laugh and be at peace. But wait. She is with him! Be still my aching heart. He must be a friend. Yes, just an acquaintance who happens to be there. Nothing more. I am greeted by her lovely friends, but why does she not come near? I approach and we speak for a moment, but something is not right. I witness as she dances with her friend again. I ask, we dance, she reveals a feeling of exaustion. This I interpret as the root influence of her actions of this night. Our dance is over. She approaches her friends and sits upon the floor with her head in her hands. I go near, but around her are her friends so I sit near but not next to her. I watch her talk to her friends. Her back is towards me. I can not see her face. I move near, and touch her, but she withdraws from me. I back away. He approaches her and they move to the dance area. I am filled with pain again. I can not watch. Her friend joins me outside, and we talk. The cool night air feels nice. She rushes out and joins me! The look on her face was that of terror that I had left. We grasp each other and I feel the deep pull from within my heart. I love her and she loves me. I follow her back inside. She lies down and I sit beside her. The music plays loudy, but I hear nothing. I am at peace being with my love. She asks me a question and I answer her. I can see pain in her face. She sits back for a moment then goes over to join a group of her friends. I am alone again. The constant whisper of the music intervenes between my thoughts. Then I see her. She is dancing with him. Her friend sits beside me. Another song plays, and they still dance together. I speak with her friend. The night grows long. Will this night never end?! What is this I hear? It is the last song of the night. Surely, she will want to be with me for this last dance. But no, she is with him. They dance to the last song of the night. What have I done to repel her from my presence? What could have happened to make her shy away from me? The dance is over.

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