During the last meeting with the high ranking Vietnamese authorities a foreign donor insisted on smooth importing of duty-free vehicles or a possibility of buying cars stock-piled in assembling plants of Vietnam, with the same duty-free privilege. The Vietnamese side first cheered the bright idea of buying local cars for project and diplomatic use, then could not find a way to extract duty from a locally-assembled car. Finally the proposal was turned down. The foreign side could not understand.

My explanation: According to Karl Marx the profit is created DURING the production while capitalism sees the profit created during the marketing. This difference makes Vietnamese (socialist) way of tax/duty collection: the tax/duty is collected even before the sale of a car. Removing tax from a car equals to removing the engines, gear box or sort of that. Therefore it’s hopeless to ask for a locally assembled duty-free car. Note: I always got highest mark (otlichno) for learning Marxism/ Leninism.

_______________________

Second story:
 
 

The new Gov. Decree No.41/TTg signed on March 18, 1999 stipulates that all imported clothes without import stamps and proper receipts will be confiscated regardless they are in the store, on the way of transportation, or ... on any body. This decree is effective on April 1, the same day that the decree on stamping imported electronics, aircon, internal combustion engines, sanitary ware and other goods comes into force. My advice to ladies: be sure to wear Vietnamese underwear from April 1 if one wants to remain civilized-looking after an encounter with so called “qua?n ly’ thi. tru+o+`ng” task force combining tax officers and police.

Note: Goods without origin certificates will be considered as smuggled.

_________________________
 

Big international donors often complain about the slow pace of "privatisation" or "equitization" in Vietnam. Even the term "privatisation" is not recommended for official talks. My walk around the Hoan Kiem lake in the eve of the new dragon year 2000 convinced me that Vietnamese can privatise as fast as a dragon flies. As soon as the darkness fell, clever owners of "mobile tea stalls" put all kind of mats on the grassland around the Hoan Kiem lake. The price for seating on a mat ranged from 10 to 20 thousand dongs, excluding drinks and smelly dry fish that one could hardly escape. I could not find any public grassland left to sit down and wait for the fireworks that would happen in more than one hour. Luckily, I was trained in the army to stand for hours and some of these skills held me up until the end of the 15-minute fireworks. I hope the privatisation process will not go faster this year to squeeze out standing space altogether for the next fireworks.

__________________________
 

As both the number of traffic accidents and the number of victims accelerate too fast ahead of economic growth, many victims were looted before police arrived. The looters do not look only for mobile phones, watches or cash but also for passports, ID cards, driving license, university diplomas, or any kind of papers. It makes identification of victims impossible. In one of the last accidents, the victim was almost buried in charity while his family was combing every corners of Hanoi for a missing husband. Therefore, the Ministry of Transport and Communications issued a Circular effective 1 April 2001 requesting all motorbike drivers have their full names tattooed in a "safest area of body's skin". The Ministry of Police did not fully agree because enforcement of such a regulation may be quite confusing for traffic police.

A shop at the 30 April road, Ho Chi Minh city responded quickly by installing a brand new computerized, sterilized tattoo machine that can perform a 3D pattern in a matter of seconds. The shop has both male and female attendants to serve customers of all sexes.

____________________________
 
 

It's not a joke but 100% true answer of Mr. Le Duc Thuy, governor of the VN State Bank on the Lunar New Year occasion of 2002. He said all his cash was given to his wife who had no idea of account, ATM or credit cards. His monthly income was just enough to cover monthly expenses, no saving at all :-). The truth is funnier than any of the jokes I can write for the APRIL 2002. It explains why Vietnamese state-owned banks have been exploring ATMs for a decade and have not installed any functioning ATMs. ANZ and HSB are foreign banks that operate few ATMs installed at their offices in Hanoi and Saigon.

_____________________________
 
 

The fashion of this year 2003 is poverty. Vietnam has completed Comprehensive Poverty Reduction and Growth Strategy (CPRGS) as a bible for all overseas assistance. Donors happilly accepted it as the localized version of PRSP. World Bank studies also show that the poverty is actually decreasing in Vietnam with a high speed and the poor families accounted for 29% at the end of 2002. It created a strong movement of poverty reduction. In a visit to a remote village it was found out that the commune officials set the target for poverty of the year at 20% but as the year end approached the commune leadership could not see any poverty reduction. The leader looked again and again at the list of the poor households. Suddenly he looked at the name of party members. An idea had come. Next day the party organization of the commune declared that it was a shame for party members to be poor so those in the list should declare that their income was increased, lifting their families out of the poor. The miracle happened: the commune managed to keep the ratio of poor households below 20%.

____________________________
 

Huong Son district, Ha Tinh province, summer 2004.The leadership of one village made a decision that all the cows in the village would increase their income by improving the quality of calfs. By this decision all cows would only hybridize with a Sind bull (Indian origin) provided from a central institute. In order to make sure that all new calfs would be good hybrids, all local bulls were castrated. As soon as the Sind bull became the only male in the village, it turned lazy. It only intercoursed twice a week. For more than two hundred cows in the village it was a long queue. Unfortunately, during a flood the only bull of the village died. Poor local cows!

October 2004.
____________________________
 

The US president Bush came to Vietnam to attend APEC meeting on 17 November 2006. Many people wanted to see the most powerful man of the world in the flesh. However, all the shops along the roads that Bush was supposed to go were ordered (and paid?) to stop their business for three days. All windows along those streets and around the church Bush would visit were ordered to shut down, all traffic were banned and pedestrians were asked by police why they were there. E.g. Thanh Nien street in normal day would be crowded with thousands of motorbikes, cars, pedestrians, photographers and lovers but on 17 November is was absolutely empty.

Pedestrian, if by any reason being caught at the road, was told by police not to point anything, especially cameras, at the President's convoy or they would be shot dead. It made me remember those days in 1960s when Americans bombed the north. We were told not to point anything, especially sticks (because we had no cameras at that time), at Phantom's convoy or we would be shot dead. It seems nothing has changed in the way Vietnamese look at Americans. "You would be shot dead!" has been the image of the USA.

November 2006