10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800 ***-****."
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
8. You're counting down the days until menopause.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN!
WOMEN HAVE IT BETTER
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
We get to flirt with systems support men
who always return our call, and are nice to us when
we blow up our computers.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin &
gorgeous.
Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
We can be groupies.
Male groupies are stalkers.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
We've never lusted after a cartoon
character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxis stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life
insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies(you get the
point).
We can hug our friends without wondering if she
thinks
we're gay.
We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE
gay.
New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass
ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever
taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The
Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching
her butt.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure
our privates are still there.
If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to
fit in.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having
to picture them naked.
If we marry someone 20 years younger,
we're aware that we look like an idiot.
Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether
there's spinach in our teeth.
There are times when chocolate really can solve all your
problems.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their
shoes.
We'll never discover that we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
