AQUARIUS (JAN. 23 - FEB. 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES (FEB. 23 - MAR. 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.
ARIES (MAR. 23- APRIL 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshits.
TAURUS (APRIL 22 - MAY 22)
You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamed commnunist.
GEMINI (MAY 23 - JUNE 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
CANCER (JUNE 23 - JULY 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will alawys be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
LEO (JULY 23 - AUG. 22)
you consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Mos Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
VIRGO (AUG. 23 - SEPT. 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA (SEPT 23 - OCT. 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male your are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are hill. Most "Libra" women are WHORES. All Libras die of VD (Venereal Disease).
SCORPIO (OCT. 23 - NOV. 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethnics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 23 - DEC. 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23 - JAN. 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
