Security Council

Distr. General S/Res/1594 (2003) 10 March 2003

The Security Council.

Recalling past incidents of the use of weapons of mass-destruction (her cooking) by Marion Day.

Considering that Mrs. Day continues to experiment with new and deadlier weapons of mass-destruction in her ghastly kitchen.

Noting that on 10/09/03 UN Chief Inspector, Hans Blix, made a surprise on site inspection searching for biological and/or chemical weapons of mass-destruction, was served a meat-ball dinner, and was immediately stricken with a strange and serious , but yet undetermined incapacitating illness

Recognizing that during her 45 year reign of terror, only one human being has managed to survive her weapons of Mass destruction, although there have been several close calls.

Recognizing the vicious threat posed to all of man-kind from her latest, and possibly her worst weapon of Mass destruction EVER.

Acting under Chapter VII of the Charter of the United Nations.

1. Condemns The use of Marion's kitchen as a disguise to cover up her use of weapons of Mass destruction.

2. Condemns the act of polluting the environment with smoke eminating from her kitchen possibly containing poison gasses and other biological or chemical agents.

3. Insist that she cease and desist from torturing that poor man that has been held political prisoner for the past 45 years.

4. Resolve that failure to comply will result in the following actions being taken:

4A. Disconnecting from all electricity used for cooking, heating or lighting the residence used for weapons of Mass. destruction.

4B. Sanction the import of raw materials for the manufacture of weapons of Mass. destruction (most common suppliers being Stop & Shop, Shaws, and Trucchi's)

4C. Notify the local fire officials to refuse to answer calls for the emmision of agents appearing like smoke

4D. Demands that meat balls in any form be considered illegal weapons of gastric destruction from this day hence !

5. Decides to remain actively seized of the matter .

Amendment France requested and received an amendment to delete section 4A since no proof has ever been presented that electricity,or any other energy source for that matter, has EVER been used to heat the residence in question.