Martyr To Loneliness

Walking, I keep (I try to)
my gaze straight ahead
oblivious to all,
hesitant to meet someone's eyes
with mine.

Seated, I stare into space
I will not make the first move
too shy, too nervous
too inexperienced?

Yes I am all of those
but surely you must see
above all I am a martyr
sacrificing myself to Loneliness
a supposed nobility
in denying my sexual existence

I'm A Virgo more chaste than the Pope
whose self-pity breeds like bacteria or rabbits

I convince myself I'm ugly pathetic or worthless
sometimes, but rarely, attractive
If you look at or talk to me
I'll miss all signals
embracing Loneliness instead

I'm dedicated to Loneliness, she is my goddess
I'd be lonely without her
So the martyrdom goes on

Having failed to secure a touch
or even a kiss
Loneliness takes me home

I'm hers, alone