Hatred is a hard thing to lose

When I was younger, i wished
for vengeance, for retribution
my hands around his throat
choking that vile being
hoping this would somehow
bring forth a father
like those in books

I longed to repay the bruises
for hurting, for pain
my fists about his head
hitting that hating man
bringing about a change
like those of summer

and now I feel a sadness
for him, me, them
my heart about his feet
closed, that sorry thing
bringing only a sorrow
like those in poems

and now I will be leaving
for new beginnings
my belonging somewhere else
searching, that long quest
like those of others

I prayed for unarriving dreams
and now I yearn no more,
hatred transformed into pity