Ruminations

13/9/94
rewritten 4/12/96


Too shy, too timid
to speak, smile or talk to you
   thinking
embarrassment, discomfort
for you or myself
like a forgotten toy
I remain frustrated,
sitting in silence

Do looks mean anything
is it wrong, to appreciate
beauty in another?
Is friendship impossible?
   these questions
amplify tendencies
for silence. I look away,
nervous as you approach.

Love is a game of chance
and I’m shut out
   always too reticent
to ask to join
in. 

Love is unrequited,
painful, from a distance,
bound by shyness and ignorance
   
all there is is silence   again
      by myself.