Evil Beastly Things

Welcome to the page of evil beastly things.

There is an extendable pat handle for petting(we get through these at a rate of about 6 a week)and you can use and vats of rotting meat for feeding if you so desire.

None of the evil beastly animals are in danger of becoming extinct and in fact their proliferation is a serious threat to the continuation of humankind everywhere.

But hey, their mothers must have loved them so here they are. And, ironically enough, despite their evil dispositions they all love to be photographed and will posture and display for as long as you click away.

Be warned, however, that most of their vocal displays are long and tedious and do have the potential to cause confusion and fear. So if they start yowling, yipping, screeching or whining - just keep throwing them rotting meat and that should shut them up until you have time to move on to the next enclosure.

So walk on in - but remember stay together - no stragglers and keep your hands on your wallet.

	Unfortunately not all dinosaurs are extinct. Here is the giant purple pukeosaur. For God's sake don't ask it to do a dance and keep your kids away from it unless you want them growing up to watch nothing but PBS. For more information on the evolutionary path and habits of the Pukeosaur check out Into the Purple Abyss. And to find out more on containment efforts please see The Jihad to Destroy Barney
	This is Preston's ground squirrel. Preston's ground squirrel is a form of cannibalistic gopher most common in Alberta. They often stick their heads out of their holes and make a strange nasal whining cry to attract and incite other Preston's ground squirrels in the area. Preston's squirrel attacks gophers of other colours and is particularly hostile to the pink gophers that form urban colonies in most Canadian cities. Female Preston's squirrels are often not allowed out of their hole by the smaller but more aggressive male. So they mostly stay underground digging new tunnels and making worm pies. Preston's ground squirrels are highly destructive - burrowing under the necessary structures of fields and houses and causing widespread collapse and hardship. Preston's squirrel feed on the weak and dispossessed among other gophers and can leave other gopher townships full of maimed and bleeding gophers. Recently Preston's ground squirrels have been spotted in Ottawa and have formed a particularly vicious township in Stornaway in that city. To find out more about Preston's ground squirrel and other feral rodents check out the Wanted for Crimes of Stupidity Page.
	This is a magnification of the fasciosis bacteria - a subspecies of the "flesh eating disease" spreading through Europe. This bacteria is also widely suspected to be a prime agent in the development of mad cow disease in Britian. The condition is more widely known there as "Thatcher's craw" as it gives a strange sensation of having things you don't like stuffed down your throat - such as the poll tax and the removal of essential elements like habeus corpus, the minimum wage and basic human rights. The cumulative effect of "Thatcher's craw" is poverty, heart disease, suicidal feelings and almost certain loss of job, livelihood and hope. When enough people in an area are afflicted with "Thatcher's craw" they tend to riot or develop endemic heroin addiction. The worst effects of "Thatcher's craw" can be alleviated somewhat by listening to Billy Bragg CD's but the only cure is annihilation of the Fasciosis bacteria which can be achieved by disinfecting all elections with common sense and compassion.
	These singing cows are highly efficient vectors of mad cow disease and in fact attribute their commerical success to their affliction - praising the Fasciosis bacteria at every opportunity. Many recordings of their song have been made but as of yet few - if any people - have heard them live - in the wild. Some naturalists have inferred that they do not sing at all but in fact manipulate their armpits to produce that strange electronic belching sound. These singing/belching Spice Cows have spread decay and corruption throughout the British Music Industry bringing it into further disrepute. If you or anyone you know has heard the Spice Tits sing live please email me and tell me about it....was it singing or armpit manipulation?

If you want to donate an evil specimen to the Petting Zoo please send me a picture and an explantion of why the organism is evil enough to belong here.

Now please wash your hands and return to the main hall of the Petting Zoo.

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