Welcome to The 2 Dudez Collector's Edition, which is actually only a compilation of the three complete episodes of The 2 Dudez. It's amazing how much more people will pay for what is exactly the same thing, except the it has the two words Collector's and Edition following the title, amazing how 17 letters and one little punctuation mark can gross almost 100% more in profits. Thank you for your money, sorry, no refunds.


the 2 dudez issue #1
"God's Little Experiment"

Dude #1: Help me, I'm in hell
Satan: No, I don't think so.
Dude #2: Think What?
Satan: Nothing...
Dude #1: Think Nothing?
Satan: Exactly *dissappears in a poof of firey superiority*
Dude #2: That dude's got some major problems...
Dude #1: What do you think he meant?
Dude #2: Dunno, did you check out those horns?
Dude #1: Yeah, what a bozo, hey, lets have a beer.
Dude #2: 'K, go get 'em.
Dude #1: No, you go get 'em.
Dude #2: No, you.
Dude #1: No, you.
God: Simmer down you two, play Rock-Paper-Scissors.
Dudes #1 & #2: 'K
*Dude #1 plays rock, Dude #2 plays paper*
Dude #2: Loser! Now you have to go get the beer! Ha ha!
Dude #1: Hey that wasn't fair!
God: Yes it was, now get the beer like a good boy...
Dude #1: Yes sir.
*Reaching for cooler with all his might*
Dude #1: I can't reach it, this must be hell...
God: Dude#1, you can do it, just stand up!
Dude #1: I can't God.
God *getting very angry*: Move your legs DUMBASS!!!!
Dude #1: Oh, hey, this is cool, check it out...
-Next Sunday at Brunch-
Satan *to God*: How come I always get the imbiciles?
God *to Satan*: Hey, You deserve it.
-Sunday Night-
Satan *to self* :Perhaps I could make them smarter? Perhaps I should...
-Somewhere Else, At The Same Time-
God *to angel*: Go and see what Satan's up to, he may do something unspeakably horrible...
Angel: Aye aye, Skipper!
God: Hey, shut up, this isn't Gilligan's Island!
Angel: Oops...
God: Hmm... Maybe you shoudn't go...
-Two Minutes Later-
Dude #1: Hey, I need another beer, how did I get it before?
Dude #2: I dunno, but I bet that Jedi mind trick'll work...
Dude #1: Maybe... Let's try!
Dudes #1 & #2: Arghh...
Dude #1: Let's stop, all this thinking is making me thirsty.
Dude #2: Yeah, and it's giving me a headache...
Dude #1: Yup, I hear ya
Dude #2: Whoa, you do?
Dude #1: Nope
Dude #2 *dissappointed*: Oh, bummer
-After A Five Minute Silence-
Dude #1: Hey, the square of the two legs added together equals the hypotenuse squared.
Dude #2: Cool, will that help us get the beer?
Dude #1: Nope.
Dude #2: Darn...
-Four Minutes Ago-
Satan: Heheh, now they'll be so smart, they'll convince everyone that I am all powerful...
-Five Minutes After That (Or A Minute Later)-
Satan: Why in the hell aren't they taking over the world? I made them smart!
God: Well, I was experimenting when I made ^them^
Satan: What kind of experiment?
God: I didn't give them brains...
Satan: Then how come they're walking around and breathing?
God: Hey, I got bored! Can you really blame me?
Satan: No, I guess not.
*With a wave of his hand Satan puts the cooler next to the two Dudez*
Dude #1: Hey cool...
Dude #2: Now, you can get the beer...
Dude #1: No, you get it.
Dude #2: No, you.
God: Play Rock-Paper-Scissors!
*Dude #1 Plays Rock Dude #2 Plays Paper*
Dude #2: Ha ha! You have to get the beer!
Dude #1: That wasn't fair!
God: Yes it was, now get the beer like a good little boy...
Dude #1: Yes sir.
*After five minutes of trying, Dude #1 has no success*
Dude #1: I can't get the beer...
God: Try opening the lid...
Dude #1: Oh, ok.
*Another five minutes, still no success*
Dude #2: Hurry up man, I'm getting thirsty!
Dude #1: But it won't open!
God *exasperated*: Try opening the other side.
Dude #1: Duuude, check it out!
Dude #2: All right man!
God: You two are ^stupid^
Forrest: Stupid is as stupid does, sir.
God: Oh, shaddup.
Forrest: Yessir.
*And with his swift hand of justice, God had smote Forrest Gump and Satan from all existence, then, with no evil battling for possesion of earth, God had no reason to disguise himself, therefore proving he existed, unfortunately, God exists on faith and in his first conversation with humans, one scholar pointed this out, God simply said "Oh, I never thought of that..." and promptly dissappeared in a puff of logic*
-A Week And A Half Later-
Dude #1: I have to pee.
Dude #2: Me too.
Dude #1: I wonder what happened to those two dudez.
Dude #2: Me too.
Dude #1: From now on, all I say will be me too.
Dude #2: Me too.
Dude #1: Me too.
Dude #2: Me too.
Dude #1: Me too.
*after several hours of this the two Dudez fell asleep (6:14a.m.) and woke up later (6:15a.m.) to go to work, if questioned, the two Dudez will deny everything, they personally believe that the whole episode was a weird dream resulting from a bad herbal supplement that they bought from that dude with a beak around the corner*

-END-

the 2 Dudez Issue #2
"the 2 Dudez vs. Barney and Friends"

Dude #1: Welcome to Happy Burger, can I take your order?
Customer: Yes, I'd like a Happy Burger Combo Meal with Fries
Dude #1: Would you like fries with that?
Customer: Didn't I just say I wanted fries?
Dude #1: I dunno. Why are you asking me?
Dude #2: Dude, time to go work the grill.
*to customer* Welcome to Happy Burger, can I take your order?
Customer: I... Would... Like... A... Hap... Py... Bur... Ger... With... Fries... Do... You... Un... Der... Stand???
Dude #2: What was that? You were talking too fast...
Customer: To hell with you!
Dude #2: No thanks, I've been there.
Customer: ^aye carumba^ *walks away*
Dude #2: Hey, dude! It's that dude with the purple tail!
Dude #1: We got a bone to pick with you man!
Dude w/ Purple Tail: Did you enjoy the plants I delivered?
Dude #2: Thanks to you, everyone thinks we're crazy!
Dude w/ Tail: Why?
Dude #1: Tha marijuana was bad!
Dude w/ Tail: Why would ^I^ Barney give you children marijuana?
Dude #1: Why wouldn't you?
Barney (formerly dude w/ tail): Because %I love you, You love me, We're a happy fam-il-y%
Dude #1 & #2: Aarghh! He's killing us with sweetness!
Barney: That's right and now my little kiddie friends are going to do you in with innocent love!
Dude #1: Nooo, spare the dude, he's too young to die!
Dude #2: Aaahhhhgggg!
Green Dinosaur w/ Dark Green Spots: I'll save you!
Dude #1: Who are you?
Barney: Who are you?
Dude #2: Welcome to Happy Burger, can I take your order?
Green Dinosaur: Uhh, I'm, uhm, uh, er, hey look over there *disappears miraculously*
Barney: @Now that they're distracted, I'll drop kick them, hee hee@ Hiiyaa
Dude #2: Hey, look at the quarter! Now I'm rich!!!
*Barney swoops over Dude #2's head, while he acquires a shiny new washer mistakingly believed to be a quarter, and lands in the deep fryer*
Barney: Oh no, I'm fusing to my purple velour suit!!!!
Dude #1: Uhh, dude, if you want fries you're gonna have to pay for them like the other paying customers...
-The Next Day-
Dude #1: Welcome to Happy Burger, can I take your order?
Person: Yes, I'm with the health department, and I was wondering why there seems to be purple felt covering all of your french fries...
Dude #2: I dunno...
Dude #1: Don't look at me, I didn't lock up last night...
Boss: What's wrong here? How come theres a dead man fused to a purple velour suit in the deep fryer?
Health Inspector: I was just asking these two employees the same thing...
Dude #1: *Taking out a bong and lighter* I didn't lock up last night, so don't look at me...
Health Inspector: Why is that young man smoking marijuana?
Boss: Dudes, you're fired!
Health Inspector: I'm shutting you down!
Dude #1: Woohoo! We can go home early!!!
*Dudes exchange a high five, which they miss and end up smacking each other on the forehead*
Dude #2: Welcome to Happy Burger can I take your order?
Health Inspector: Go home!!! You've just been fired!!!
Dude #1: Oh, 'k.
*The dudes walk out of the restaurant*
Dude w/ Green Tail: Hey, thanks for killing Barney, now i can become the dinosaur everyone likes! I am Blarney, the green dinosaur!
Dude #1 & #2: Yeah, dude, whatever.
Dude #1: Hey, dude?
Dude #2: Yeah, dude?
Dude #1: Who was that dude?
Blarney: I am Blarney!!! Blarney!!!
Dude #2: Dunno.
Dude #1: 'k.
Blarney: It's Blarney!!!!! Blarney!!!!
*Dude #1 & #2 walk into the sunset*



-END-

the 2 dudez issue #3
"the unsolved mysteries"

*last issue, our two heroes single handedly beat both the evil bossmeister and Barney*

Dude #1: Heh, dude, i was thinking...
Dude #2: Did it hurt?
Dude #1: Yeah...
Dude #2: It hurts when I do it to0.
Dude #1: Alright!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: I forgot.
Dude #2: Oh.
Dude #1: I remember!
Dude #2: You do?
Dude #1: Yeah, just tell me what I was thinking about.
Dude #2: I dunno, I'd have to think and that hurts too much.
Dude #1: Well, maybe later 'k?
Dude #2: 'k.
*Suddenly there's a knock at the door*
Dude #1: Dude, could you get that?
Dude #2: Naw, could you?
Dude #1: You do it.
Dude #2: No, you.
Dude #1: You.
Dude #2: No.
Dude #1: Fine then, I'll get up.
Dude #2: No, I will.
Dude #1: No, me.
Dude #2: Me.
Dude #1: Fine then, you do it.
Dude #2: No, you.
*I'm pretty sure you get it by now, anyways, they finally get to the door, after about an hour of senseless bickering*
Dude #1&2: What's up, man?
Wimpy Man in Glasses: Allo
Dude #1: Did you say hello?
Wimpy Dude: No, I said allo, but that's close enough.
Dude #2: Yeah...
Wimpy Dude: Can I come in?
Dude #1: Naww, it's pretty messy around here, how about we clean up first!
*The 2 dudez set to work, throwing dirty underwear and other miscellaneous undergarments you wouldn't expect to find in a Dudez's pad, unfluff the pillows and other things like turning potted plants upside down.*
Dude #1: 'k now you can come in.
Wimpy Dude: Thank you, may I sit down?
Dude #2: Yeah right there *points to smoldering fireplace*
Wimpy Dude: *Looks up the chimney* This is an apartment how come you have a fireplace?
*Dude #2 looks confused*
Dude #1: Uhh, dude? Could you like say like that like back like in like english like my like friend's like confused like 'k?
Wimpy Dude: *Pulls out pom poms* Like yeah, Gimme a y!
Dude #1&2: Y!!!
Wimpy Dude: What's that spell?
Dude #1&2: Hexadecimal?
*Exasperated, the wimpy dude jumps out of the window, which, with it being on the first floor, he isn't hurt very badly, save a few grass stains on his suit*
Dude #1: Mmmm, grass.
Dude #2: Dude.
Dude #1: Yeah, dude?
Dude #2: I dunno.
Dude #1: 'k.
*And now, for something completely different*
Skeleton: Buy new Bleechy Wite, it tastes like bleach and whitens like it too!
Disclaimer Guy: Do not put Bleechy Wite toothpaste in or anywhere near your mouth.
Skeleton: Now at a low price of 100 Zorkmids a gallon!!!
Disclaimer Guy: Do not ever open a bottle of Bleechy Wite Toothpaste, or you might throw your guts up and die at the disgusting sight. *And now, a day later at the 2 dudes' apartment*
Dude #1: Hey dude?
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: I was just wondering...
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yup.
Dude #2: Pretty cool.
Dude #1: Yeah, but it sure hurt.
*Then The alarm goes off*
Dude #1: Dude! It's 6:45! Time to go to work!
Dude #2: 'k.
*And so the 2 dudez once again walk off into the sunset to arrive to work exactly twelve hours early and twelve hours late.*

-END-

And there you have it, the sheer farce that is the 2 dudez. I'm willing to guarantee you won't find material like this for a while. At least until someone infringes on the copyright and I get to sue their butts off and then I'll never have to work again woohoo!