the 2 Dudez issue #1 "Satan and God Go To Brunch" Dude #1: Help me, I'm in hell Satan: No, I don't think so. Dude #2: Think What? Satan: Nothing... Dude #1: Think Nothing? Satan: Exactly *dissappears in a poof of firey superiority* Dude #2: That dude's got some major problems... Dude #1: What do you think he meant? Dude #2: Dunno, did you check out those horns? Dude #1: Yeah, what a bozo, hey, lets have a beer. Dude #2: 'K, go get 'em. Dude #1: No, you go get 'em. Dude #2: No, you. Dude #1: No, you. God: Simmer down you two, play Rock-Paper-Scissors. Dudes #1 & #2: 'K *Dude #1 plays rock, Dude #2 plays paper* Dude #2: Loser! Now you have to go get the beer! Ha ha! Dude #1: Hey that wasn't fair! God: Yes it was, now get the beer like a good boy... Dude #1: Yes sir. *Reaching for cooler with all his might* Dude #1: I can't reach it, this must be hell... God: Dude#1, you can do it, just stand up! Dude #1: I can't God. God *getting very angry*: Move your legs DUMBASS!!!! Dude #1: Oh, hey, this is cool, check it out... -Next Sunday at Brunch- Satan *to God*: How come I always get the imbiciles? God *to Satan*: Hey, You deserve it. -Sunday Night- Satan *to self* :Perhaps I could make them smarter? Perhaps I should... -Somewhere Else, At The Same Time- God *to angel*: Go and see what Satan's up to, he may do something unspeakably horrible... Angel: Aye aye, Skipper! God: Hey, shut up, this isn't Gilligan's Island! Angel: Oops... God: Hmm... Maybe you shoudn't go... -Two Minutes Later- Dude #1: Hey, I need another beer, how did I get it before? Dude #2: I dunno, but I bet that Jedi mind trick'll work... Dude #1: Maybe... Let's try! Dudes #1 & #2: Arghh... Dude #1: Let's stop, all this thinking is making me thirsty. Dude #2: Yeah, and it's giving me a headache... Dude #1: Yup, I hear ya Dude #2: Whoa, you do? Dude #1: Nope Dude #2 *dissappointed*: Oh, bummer -After A Five Minute Silence- Dude #1: Hey, the square of the two legs added together equals the hypotenuse squared. Dude #2: Cool, will that help us get the beer? Dude #1: Nope. Dude #2: Darn... -Four Minutes Ago- Satan: Heheh, now they'll be so smart, they'll convince everyone that I am all powerful... -Five Minutes After That (Or A Minute Later)- Satan: Why in the hell aren't they taking over the world? I made them smart! God: Well, I was experimenting when I made ^them^ Satan: What kind of experiment? God: I didn't give them brains... Satan: Then how come they're walking around and breathing? God: Hey, I got bored! Can you really blame me? Satan: No, I guess not. *With a wave of his hand Satan puts the cooler next to the two Dudez* Dude #1: Hey cool... Dude #2: Now, you can get the beer... Dude #1: No, you get it. Dude #2: No, you. God: Play Rock-Paper-Scissors! *Dude #1 Plays Rock Dude #2 Plays Paper* Dude #2: Ha ha! You have to get the beer! Dude #1: That wasn't fair! God: Yes it was, now get the beer like a good little boy... Dude #1: Yes sir. *After five minutes of trying, Dude #1 has no success* Dude #1: I can't get the beer... God: Try opening the lid... Dude #1: Oh, ok. *Another five minutes, still no success* Dude #2: Hurry up man, I'm getting thirsty! Dude #1: But it won't open! God *exasperated*: Try opening the other side. Dude #1: Duuude, check it out! Dude #2: All right man! God: You two are ^stupid^ Forrest: Stupid is as stupid does, sir. God: Oh, shaddup. Forrest: Yessir. *And with his swift hand of justice, God had smote Forrest Gump and Satan from all existence, then, with no evil battling for possesion of earth, God had no reason to disguise himself, therefore proving he existed, unfortunately, God exists on faith and in his first conversation with humans, one scholar pointed this out, God simply said "Oh, I never thought of that..." and promptly dissappeared in a puff of logic* -A Week And A Half Later- Dude #1: I have to pee. Dude #2: Me too. Dude #1: I wonder what happened to those two dudez. Dude #2: Me too. Dude #1: From now on, all I say will be me too. Dude #2: Me too. Dude #1: Me too. Dude #2: Me too. Dude #1: Me too. *after several hours of this the two Dudez fell asleep (6:14a.m.) and woke up later (6:15a.m.) to go to work, if questioned, the two Dudez will deny everything, they personally believe that the whole episode was a weird dream resulting from bad marijuana that they bought from that dude with a purple tail around the corner* -END- Next issue: the 2 dudez vs. Barney and Friends Credits, Acknowledgements, and Miscellaneous Information: the two Dudez are a work of fiction by the all powerful insane logik (better known as that stupid idiot on the grassy knoll) yeah, I copied a part from "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" so what? it was a cool book. Look for the 2 Dudez interactive-fiction game, coming as soon as I learn z-code. the 2 Dudez will also be making special appearances at the resataraunt at the end of the universe then stop at a marshmallow roast in hell (other guests will include Jason Vorhees, Mike Meyers, Mike Meyers, Pope John Paul the first, Henry the viii, Marie Antoinette, Aaron Spelling, Tori Spelling, Beavis and Butthead, and special appearance by Barney to lead a special sing-along accompanied by the Partridge Family. then they will diappear from public view until they're old and crusty thanks to Melanie for laughing Donnie for sharing a 2 liter bottle of coke with me in warrior pride Mike for making me laugh Mike for making me laugh Scott for making me laugh Scott for moving away without telling me Doug for making me laugh Donnie for teaching me you can never be too stupid to be laughed at Barney for teaching me how to belch like a pro Huckleberry for whistling dixie Fontaine for being sooo easy to insult And all you other people for reading the 2 Dudez U.S. Patent Office for making it possible for me to sue the rest of you who try and copy me for all you're worth note: last names not disclosed to protect the people who helped me brainstorm the 2 Dudez either intentionally or unintentionally, but if you wanna buy 'em... also: if you find any typographical errors or repetitive text, please e-mail me at pur_logik@hotmail.com everything above is mostly fiction if you take anything, especially life, seriously i must say that i thank you as well, for making me wonder why i didn't write this sooner so i could tell all of you how much of really really really really big dumbass you are!