Poetry Across the Span

Casting Adrift

Anger

Redness cascading like blood down the walls of my sanctuary.
My centre; the bedroom of my mind; my have of security
Was invaded, peace shattered, the beast has moved in.
The beast is anger radiating and intensifying my sin.

Anxieties

People will let me down but God won't.

He cares for me more than dandelions,
But they are clothed beautifulle.
He made nature entwined
So why do I still worry?

Joy? Where is it?
Hidden behind a dark curtain
On which life is projected.

I want to want the best for others
Security that I have what I need
Content with what God's given me
Just happy to be free.

The Search for Acceptance

The mind plays games just under the surface
With the people l talk to. It has it's purpose
To extract some love and confirmed acceptance
Against myself works this ungodly offence.

But it's mine, I mustn't deny the truth
Or hide that I'm selfish and my acts are proof.
I don't like others seeing me out of control,
But honesty is a balm that soothes the soul.

I draw out too many long-winded reason
For remaining fruitless over four seasons.
I want to find justification, to feel OK,
But I've learnt that I just want to do it my way -

And take credit for life, money, a girlfriend and power
Without being humble to God and letting faith's flower
Bloom into peace and acceptance of grace
And delight in being able to show God my face.

"Delight yourself in the Lord," He says,
" And He will give you the desires
of your heart." So accept the Lord's precepts,
Because that's how He'll lift your life higher.

God has accepted me as an elected one.
What more do I want if I'm a treasured possession?

Song

Doesn't it hurt when you try to do your best
Keep on falling down, have to get up again.

Isn't it easier not to try at all?
Because when tryin' and you mess up, you feel the pain more.

I know when I die I grow.
Fear of life makes it come so slow.
Sometimes I feel like I just can't go on.

Lonely

I asked God to let me see
The reasons I felt - emotionally,
In my chest - a hole, a longing...
But I'm Christian! Where's my sense of belonging?
I yearn, I can't deny it.
I'm supposed to feel joy.

The world teaches that to be happy,
I need a woman, sex, toys and money.
Maybe a drink would soothe the feeling -
But only for a bit. It would return again.

Could I be ready to write poetry again?
Last time it gave me joy.
All these distractions are temporary.
God! Why aren't you close to me?

Or is something ready to come out?
Thing are never as bad as I dream.

I can and do bury myself in a pursuit.
But now that I've stopped, and I'm at rest,
The yearning remains.

Father, show me what I yearn for.
I will not be afraid.

I feel like I have no anchor.
I like feeling this way.
Am I just being compulsive?

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Document last updated 17 April 1997