>
>> > --- 25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years ---
>> > --- by Dave Barry ---
>> >
>> > 1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of
>> > helicopters in it.
>> >
>> > 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
>> > reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
>> >
>> > 3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent
>> > sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
>> >
>> > 4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is
>> > entertainment.
>> >
>> > 5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
>> > you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from
>> > her at that moment.
>> >
>> > 6. A penny saved is worthless.
>> >
>> > 7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be
>> > peace in the Middle East.  Billions of years from now, when Earth is
>> > hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet
>> > except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle
>> > East will be bitter enemies.
>> >
>> > 8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
>> >
>> > 9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
>> > gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep
down
>> > inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
>> >
>> > 10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
>> > make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
>> >
>> > 11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
>> >
>> > 12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never
>> > want you to share yours with them.
>> >
>> > 13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that
>> > generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a
new
>> > concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of
>> > possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE
YOUNG
>> > PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept
>> > into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out,
"SIX
>> > QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT."  Then the
>> > next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE
LIVING IN
>> > AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy
it
>> > with hammers.
>> >
>> > 14. Nobody is normal.
>> >
>> > 15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very
>> > excited and announce that:
>> >      * The universe is even bigger than they thought!
>> >      * There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
>> >      * Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.
>> >
>> > 16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
>> > has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full  potential, that
word
>> > would be "meetings."
>> >
>> > 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to
annoy
>> > people who are not in them.
>> >
>> > 18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of
>> > what the advertiser actually thinks.
>> >    For example:
>> >      * If the advertisement says "This is not your father's
Oldsmobile,"
>> >        the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile,
>> >        like all other Oldsmobile's, appeals primarily to old farts like
your
>> >        father.
>> >      * If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that
>> >        there are significant differences between these two products,
both
>> >        companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
>> >      * If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable
>> >        athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard
>> >        the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
>> >      * If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing
the
>> >        critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows
>> >        this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer
tastes.
>> >
>> > 19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe, with all
>> > of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
will
>> > not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
>> >
>> > 20. You should not confuse your career with your life.
>> >
>> > 21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
>> > person.
>> >
>> > 22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too
>> > seriously.
>> >
>> > 23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
>> > individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
Very
>> > often, that individual is crazy.
>> >
>> > 24. Your friends love you anyway.
>> >
>> > 25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>>