1.4.2004 -  Well, I think it's finally time.  The hour is upon us.   Next_Raven Web is back.  There are still somethings that are being tested, but everything should work.  For now, I'm using a guestbook as a place to leave any comments you all may have on the daily news at NR Web.  I'm trying to implement something that would be similar to a blog, but everything I look at seems to be pretty in-depth.  I'm looking for something simple for me to manage and you to use.   This seems to be the alternative for now.

    My feelings about "needing" a girlfriend have been no secret as of late.  After months and months I think it may have finally caught up with me.  It's one of those indescribable feelings that you experience and can only hope that others know what you're talking about.  While New Year's was awesome, it was the first time in four years that I hadn't had a date/girlfriend to celebrate it with.   This caused two things to be triggered.  One, a question of why I didn't, completely ignoring the fact that I hadn't put forth any effort into finding one.   Regardless of whether I had tried or not, I began to question who I was or who I had become.  I wanted to know what people thought of me.  Had I changed so much in the past year that I was incapable of getting a lady and was simply using the excuse of not wanting one as a defense mechanism?  I say lady because I don't think either myself or the girl would benefit any if she was...  let's just say of ill repute.

    Secondly, because of this feeling I began to become confused.   This sudden change of mental direction left me at a loss.  I wasn't entirely aware of what I was feeling and therefore didn't know how to react to it.  What I did was definitely the wrong move.  I looked around the party at all my friends and saw one of which I was closer to that just about any of the others.  It was then that I began to question our relationship.  I can tell you honestly that I wouldn't normally do this, but because of this sudden emotional confusion and feeling the need to fill this void I think I confused friendship with a possibility of something more.  This girl- no, lady would make lots of guys happy being that she's intelligent, a strong Christian, and fun to hang out with.  It is all of these qualities that make up the reason I won't date her.  She is above all else my friend, and I value her friendship so much so that I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardize it.

    I need to do something fast.  I'm even starting to think I sound like a girl.

    While I have only recently become interested in dating again, I already have my eye on one girl in particular.  The only problem is that I have no idea how to approach this girl.  I don't really know her myself all that well, but through talking to other people she seems like she would be lots of fun.  Also they seem to have indicated that she might be willing to go out sometime, but until I can find a way to go about asking her, that will just have to wait.

That's all for now.  Next update is whenever I feel like getting to it.   Later.

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