TEACHER, LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE

 To the pessimistic among us, it sometimes seems as if the late twentieth century has been a horse race between two competing dystopias: Huxley's and Orwell's. For a good part of the century, Orwell held a length-and-a-half lead. But the happy events of 1989-91 - the collapse of communism - made the Nineteen Eighty-Four scenario less menacing in the short term. As we move into the new millennium, the smart money's on Huxley, as illustrated by an item in the Washington Post.

 January 4's [2000] Post details the hottest new program among American educators:

 "No Putdowns" aims to inoculate students against verbal negativity. What's a "Putdown"? As the Post article notes, it's "any critical remarks, sneering, mockery, a sarcastic tone of voice - any 'words or actions used as weapons.'" The tykes subjected to this program learn a five-step method that will shield them against the jeers of their peers: "Think About Why, Stay Cool, Shield Myself, Choose a Response, and Build Up."

 At Benfield Elementary School in Anne Arundel County Maryland, the program slogan "No Putdowns - Pass It Around" is posted around the school like the wise sayings of Kim-Il Sung, and "everyone has buttons with the same catchy line." Children from kindergarten to the fifth grade have a 20-minute "lesson" in "No Putdowns" every day. Benfield guidance counselor Suzan [sic] Cotter declares that "No Putdowns" is working: "Our Media specialist had an incident with a child, and all she had to do was tap her No Putdowns Button. The child knew just what she meant." You've seen the bumpersticker "Mean People Suck"? Education professionals think that's profound, and they've got your kid.

 Education professionals have a key role to play in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World as well. The denizens of Huxley's dystopia receive public schooling in its most intensive form: from the cradle (or test tube) onward, it's total education for the total state. Critical thought and negativity are slaughtered in the womb, or, failing that, on the playground. Dissent, after all, is unpleasant, and as World-Controller Mustapha Mond explains: "There isn't any need for a civilized man to bear anything that's seriously unpleasant." The solution to agitation, discomfort, and dissent is medication. "A gramme is always better than a damn," as the lovely, "pneumatic" Lenina says.

 Are we that far from Huxley's dystopia? In public schools today, those who display boyish precociousness are fed Ritalin, and pigtail-pulling is punished with sexual harassment reeducation. Huxley's vision of "Death Awareness Education" has already made it to some schools, and mutual masturbation lessons (to listen to Joycelyn Elders and Naomi Wolf) can't be far off.

 Consciously or unconsciously, education professionals and public school administrators, like the controllers in Brave New World, are building a more pliant citizenry. The New Socialist Person they seek to create will be a self-absorbed, ignorant, androgynous, humorless, pollyannaish wanker. But (s)he will be a dependable taxpayer, and no threat to consensus.

 "Critical remarks, sneering, mockery, [and] a sarcastic tone of voice" - the behaviors which No Putdowns aims to eradicate - are essential to maintaining a free society. Moreover, for some of us, they're essential to maintaining our sanity. A regime that enshrines "tolerance" but won't tolerate cantankerousness is a regime that independent minds can not long bear. And that, likely, is the point.

 If the professional educators have their way, the brave new world that's coming will be a hostile environment for anyone with a sharp wit and a wiseass attitude.  The Nurse Ratcheds that mold young American minds will keep watch for signs of dangerously independent thought, and they'll make sure everyone takes his pill. (Is it just a coincidence that the public figure bearing the closest resemblance - personally and politically - to Nurse Ratched, Hillary Clinton, made the announcement for her Senate campaign before New York's largest teachers' union?) In the world of "No Putdowns" obscenities carved into a school desk surface, and an upraised middle finger to the teacher's back are acts of the sublimest rebellion. And the little punks who perform them are patriots and heroes.

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