(From "The Lure of the Limerick", by William S. Baring-Gould©)
" The limerick's admitted, a verse form,
A terse for; a curse form; a hearse form.
And it may not be lyric
And at best its satiric,
And a whale of a tale in peverse form. "
Please don't send your limericks to:
The limerick packs laughs anatomical Into space that is quite economical. But the good ones I've seen. so seldom are clean - And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
There was an old man in Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. But his daughter named Nan, Ran away with a man, and as for the bucket, Nantucket. Paw followed the pair to Pawtucket (The man and the girl with his bucket) And he said to the man, "Your're welcome to Nan", But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.
There was a young fellow named Hall Who fell in a spring in the fall. T'would have seen a sad thing, had he died in the spring, But he didn't - he died in the fall.
A godess capricious is Fame. You may strive to make noted your name. But she either neglects you, Or coolly selects you, For laurels distinct from your aim.
There was an old man of Khartoum Who kept two tame sheep in his room, To remind him, he said, Of friends who were dead, But he could not remember of whom.
There was a young lady from Aenos, Who came to our party as Venus. We told her "How rude", T'was to come there quite nude, And we brought her a leaf from the green-h'us.
A thrifty young fellow from Shorethem Made brown paper trousers and wore them; He looked nice and neat, 'till he bent in the street, to pick up a pence, then he tore them.
There was a young lady from Twickenham Whose shoes were too tight to walk quick in 'em. She came back from a walk, looking whiter than chalk, Took both of them off and was sick in 'em.
There was a young fellow named Sidney, Who drank till he ruined his kidney. It shriveled and shrank, As he sat there and drank, But he had a good time at it, didn't he.
There was a young man with a hernia, Who said to his doctor, "Gol-durn-ya", When improving my middle, Be sure you don't fiddle With matters that do not concern ya.
There was a young lass from old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose, On the state of her clothes, She drawled, "When ah itchez, Ah scratchez".
There was a young fellow named Skinner Who took a young lady to dinner; At half past nine, They had sat down to dine, By quarter to ten it was in her. What Dinner? No, Skinner.
There was a young lady from Maine, Whose penchants were really insane. She loved to dance On her boyfriend's pants, Unfortunately, while he was in 'em.
In New Orleans dwelt a young Creole Who, when asked if her hair was all reole, Replied with a shrug, "Just give it a tug And decide by the way that I squeole". Alben Barkley (1877-1956)
When nature is calling, plain speaking is out, When ladies, God bless em, are milling about. You may wee-wee, make water, or empty your glass; You can powder your nose; even "Johnnie" may pass. Shake the dew off the lily, see the man 'bout the dog, or when everyone's puces, its condensing the fog. But be pleased to remember if you would know bliss, That only in Shakespeare do characters ----.
So baish the words that Elizabeth used, When she was a Queen on her throne. The modern maids's virtue is easily bruised, By the four letter words when used all alone. Let your morals be loose as an alderman's vest, As long as the language you use is obscure: Today not the act but the word is the test, of the vulgar, obscene and impure.
An Edmonton men can arouse Any girl that he likes, and carouse. Hell have them in bed, with a nod of his head, Just by licking his brows.
The rare old bird is the pelican; His bill holds more than his bellican. He can take in his beak Enough for a week; I'm darned if I know how the hellican.
When you go to a store in Ascotney, There's no use to ask for some chutney. You may plea, you may tease, You may go down on your knees, It will do you no good, they ain't got any.
Me,MySelf&I