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* * * * *Major Lag* * * * *

uNTIL 1997, i HAD NEVER TOUCHED A COMPUTER. mY YOUNGER BROTHER cHARLES, WHO is A mAJOR IN THE cANADIAN aIR fORCE, INTRODUCED ME TO A KEYBOARD AND MONITOR. i CAN'T MUCH REMEMBER MUCH AFTER THAT.

i BOUGHT A SYSTEM, SAT DOWN, AND DIDN'T MOVE TO THIS DAY. aLMOST.

i WAS A CAPTIVATED FAN TO SAY THE LEAST. AND MY INTEREST DOESNT SEEM TO BE LESSENING IN THE SLIGHTEST.

mY COMPUTER IS A FLYING CARPET WHICH WISKS ME OFF TO FOREIGN LANDS AT THE TOUCH OF THE KEY. tHERE IS TU SOX IN aUSTRALIA, yUKO IN jAPAN, EVERYONE EVERYWHERE, AND ANYONE ANYWHERE, JUST A KEY TOUCH AWAY.

wE ARE ALL REAL PEOPLE. wITH COMPUTERS. WE ARE COMPUTER FRIENDS. lAST YEAR, ONE OF MY COMPUTER FRIENDS CAME TO VISIT FOR A SPELL. BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.

tHERE IS A COMPUTER WAR GAME, THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WOPLD LIKE TO PLAY. IT IS CALLED QUAKE. AND BASICALLY YOU RUN THROUGH A MAZE OF AREAS SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND GETTING SHOT BY SOMEONE ELSE.

ONE OF THE TECHNICAL PROBLEMS IS A TIME DELAY PROBLEM, LIKE THE TIME IT TAKES FOR YOU TO PULL YOUR TRIGGER , AND THE TIME IT TAKES YOUR WEAPON TO FIRE.

tHIS DELAY, OR LAG, IS MEASURED BY A NUMBER CALLED A 'PING'. tHE HIGHER THE NUMBER, THE MORE DELAY AND CONSEQUENTLY, THE HIGHER IS ONE'S 'PING'. AND, OF COURSE THE LONGER IT TAKES FOR YOUR WEAPON TO FIRE.

aND IN THAT LITTLE SPACE OF TIME, FROM WHEN YOU PULL THE TRIGGER TO THE TIME WHEN YOUR WEAPON ACTULLY FIRES, SOMEONE CAN BLOW YOU TO PIECES.

a 'USUAL' PING NUMBER IS AROUND 170. MY USUAL 'PING' NUMBER IS AROUND 250. sO i AM ALWAYS SLOWER TO FIRE THAN THE AVERAGE PLAYER. THIS IS CALLED A 'LAG'. QUITE FREQUENTLY, MY LAG IS QUITE HUGE. i HAVE WHAT IS KNOWN AS A MAJOR LAG.

SO, THAT IS HOW i AM KNOWN AS WELL. i AM, MAJOR LAG....