finding your way around?
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starting your own religion
online ordination for dummies
The religious seeker will often have many avenues to search down. Some choose an established church. Some start their own.
It's pretty easy to get yourself legally recognized as a clergyman (or woman), as there are a number of churches, most but not all of the universalist persuasion, that will ordain anyone who chooses to ask. I have yet to take this step myself, but it would be rather fun to be able to perform weddings. This page is a list of a few of the ministries I've found that will do this for you.
For the record, I'm not 100% certain whether I endorse this idea. I do think it's fair to say that if you legitimately want to be a Jedi Master, Foundationalist priest, Bokononist minister, or Discordian whatever-it-is-they-have, there's no reason you shouldn't be allowed some way to have the full rights accorded to a proper member of the clergy. On the other hand, as someone who has been on the bubble regarding religious faith in general, I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of Universalist doctrine to begin with and the idea of a self-diluting church in particular. My advice is that if you follow this path, do it because you feel you have a message to propagate, even if that message is just something along the lines of "sure, I'd love to be able to preside at my best friend's wedding". Do it because you mean it, whatever "it" means to you.
Universal Life Church
- Website: www.ulc.org
- Doctrine: Universalist
- The best known of these churches, the ULC was founded in 1959 by Kirby J. Hensley of Modesto, CA. Documents on the website indicate that the ULC seems to have been some sort of culture-jamming exercise at first, but it has produced over 20 million ordinations by its own count. It espouses a Universalist message and implies a very personal, non-dogmatic view of religious life.
There is some question as to the legality of Universal Life Church weddings in the state of North Carolina; though all marriages done by ULC ministers before 1981 were grandfathered in after a rather messy court case, check with your local authorities to make sure you have the ability to do weddings just to be on the safe side.
Universal Ministries
- Website: www.universalministries.com
- Doctrine: Universalist
- A slightly more doctrinaire offshoot of the ULC, this group's website contains extensive information on the philosophies and practicalities of being an Internet-ordained minister. A FAQ describes some of the more mundane issues that a clergy member in the US must deal with and should be required reading for anyone considering an online ordination. Unlike the ULC, which could not seem to care less, the Universal Ministries people seem to frown on culture jammers and gag seekers.
First International Church Of The Web
- Website: www.ficotw.org
- Doctrine: Evangelical Christian
- Technically available only to members of the church, this group, run by Rev. David Ford, requires a statement of faith to gain ordination. They claim to be nondenominational, and I stop just short of calling them Fundamentalists, as their Doctrinal Statement politely dances around the issue of Biblical literalism and doesn't mention the traditional Fundy bugbears of sexuality and evolution at all. Still, if you want to start your own Christian church this might be a way to go about it. They also provide their own online Bible study course.
Restored Church of the Star Goat
- Website: http://www.holysmoke.org/sdhok/stargoat.htm
- Doctrine: Atheist
- Based on a particularly off-the-wall passage from one of the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy novels, the RCSG is a sort of anti-religion created by atheists to ridicule Christianity. Online ordination does not seem to exist, but instructions are given.
World Christianship Ministries
- Website: http://www.wcm.org
- Doctrine: Christian
- Similar to the FICOTW, WCM is a Christians-only source of mail-order ordination. They do snail-mail only, not email. They are also non-denominational, though are a little lighter on the doctrinal issue (it being assumed that the minister-to-be already knows what needs to be known). They do have bible studies, but it appears to be pay-as-you-go.
FAME Ministry
- Website: http://www.fameministry.org
- Doctrine: syncretistic, possibly a bit New Age
- Hard to say what these guys are up to; their message of universal love is a good one, but anyone who still thinks Franz Mesmer was anything but a psychosomatic charlatan isn't someone I'd be proud to preach on behalf of.
Church of the Apathetic Agnostic
- Website: http://www.apatheticagnostic.org
- Doctrine: don't know, don't care :-)
- This would appear to be the culture-jammer's church of choice. They are humanists with a sense of humor, much like the people at Landover Baptist Church. Check out their commentary on the Ten Commandments; thought-provoking, even if you don't agree with it.
A few thoughts to take with you:
- There are organizations that will charge for ordination. I don't recommend doing this as you can get it for free; in any case most of these groups are spammers, which should set your fraud-o-meter off anyway. Donations for printed credentials, etc. are a separate case; even the legitimate ordination ministries have to cover their costs.
- Don't do it for the tax dodge (unless of course your scripture is the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, in which case it's appropriate).
- This is all legal. Don't use a fake name and don't use your ministry as an excuse to commit fraud as so many religious organizations do.
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