BREAKING NEWS!!!
MONDAY JANUARY 25, 2000
"Fuck this Windows 2000 bullshit." resident Michael J. DeFilippo said on Monday evening. "All my roomates were like, 'This is such a better operating system.' Shit. I figured that shit out in like 2 hours. It's fucking easy." DeFilippo told the Associated Press. " I mean, come on, if I can produce a fucking film, then Windows 2000 presents no threat to me. I was cut'n and paste'n all over the place. I had my network up and running in like two minutes. I mean come on, I'm just gonna buy a Mac, at least they look cool and don't have any of this 'hard to figure out' bullshit involved!"
Windows 2000 and Microsoft founder Bill Gates was reached for comment early Monday evening and answered the press in a formal statement. "I understand that some people, such as Mr. DeFilippo can master a new OS in mere hours, that's why Windows 2000 is being marketed towards those who had problems with Windows 3.11. I have refunded the entire cost of the Windows 2000 software to Mr. DeFilippo and offered him a position as Head Engineer for Microsoft's "Millennium" OS. He hasn't returned my calls and when I reached his secretary she said that Mr. DeFilippo was currently President of Worldwide Production at Warner Brothers and 'didn't have time for my crap'. I just wish the public and Mr. DeFilippo to know that the offer will always be on the table."
Gates went on to state that it would be "a crime to humanity" if Mr. DeFilippo would not join the Microsoft team.
Mr. DeFilippo is currently using the Windows 98 platform for all of his computer needs.
- The Poplar Street Associated Press