Things to think about!

• Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
• One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
• To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
• Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
• The older you get, the better you realize you were.
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
• Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery.
• If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
• If God dropped acid, would he see people?
• If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
• If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
• If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
• If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?